I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Van

It took a little over an hour to get to my parents place in Llandudno from my flat. A drive I'd made loads of times over the years. I went to them when I needed to get away from it all and disappear for a while. They never asked questions, never pried at me about why I'd shown up unannounced or in the middle of the night. They just opened the door to me, hugged me, and told me to stay as long as I needed to. When the lads couldn't find me or if I wasn't answering my phone, they knew where to check next.

Ellie's gaze was out the window for most of the drive. She'd smile at the scenery or the song that would shuffle through my speakers next, and every once in a while I'd catch her looking at me. She'd flush a little when I'd catch her, and I'd give her a wink to turn her an even deeper shade of red. If she was nervous, she didn't let on that she was. She'd been silent for most of the morning, but Ellie was like that. She didn't have a lot to say until the day picked up. She'd brought up a few things on the drive, but nothing that could lead into a full conversation, at least not until now.

"Tell me more about them." Her voice was soft as we neared Llandudno, the smell of salt heavy in the air.

I tapped my fingers against the steering wheel lightly, digging for memories that I could give her.

"Me mum...she's got a soft heart. For anything. Probably why she wanted to run a B and B. Always wanted to take care of people, feed them, give them shelter. Me dad, he's my best friend. He's the one that'll tell me straight up if I'm not behaving the way I should...even now. He's the one that knocks the sense in to me."

"And why would you not behave?" The echo of a giggle lingered on Ellie's words.

I shrugged, glancing at her while I waited my turn at a stop sign. "Before you...in the time between who I was without my ex and who I became when I met you, I was...careless."

Ellie raised her eyebrows at me, but she didn't say anything. She didn't push me for anything else, she just waited for me to talk. She reminded me more of my Mum than she knew. Maybe that's why I liked her so much.

"I made poor choices. I wrapped myself up in things...in anything that would fill the void that she left. Pills, women, whatever I could get my hands on. I was a little manic at times. A loose cannon. But I don't think I ever hurt anyone other than myself."

She nodded like she understand and her fingers found my free hand resting on the console. She gripped it tightly and gave it a knowing squeeze. I smiled to myself and for the first time realized that talking about who I used to be, didn't sting so much.

"Well he never has to worry about you being like that if I'm around."

I smiled softly, the threat in her words making something inside of me bloom. "You'll always be around, right?"

She squeezed my hand again and bit her lip. "I want to be."

"Doesn't really feel like there's a me without you these days."

"I know the feeling."

I turned onto my parents' street and pulled my sunglasses on. It was still early, and most of the people in this town knew me for who I was when I was younger. They didn't get too riled up about seeing me. But the ones that traveled here, the tourists and the people looking for pieces of me, they sometimes found me out. It was better to be safe than sorry.

"They used to live that way more." I pointed in the direction of the B and B I had grown up in. "It just became so much work for them the older they got. Now they're enjoying retirement. At least that's what they tell me."