I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Eighty-Two

Van

She stared at me wordlessly for a few moments, her expression unreadable as the dim light from the kitchen casted shadows around the room.

"Was that..." she paused, closing her eyes for a moment and sucking in a sharp breath. "Was that a proposal?"

I shrugged myself off of her and sat upright, smiling shyly. "Not the one you deserve."

She exhaled deeply and I took note.

"I don't even have a ring...but for the sake of the future...are you opposed to this? I mean, I kind of figured that's where we'd be headed someday."

She blinked again and reached for me. "It is where we're headed...I just, I didn't expect those words to come out of your mouth."

"And I didn't even get down on a knee."

She swatted at me playfully, and I took the moment to grab her left hand and examine it slowly, trying to ignore the sharp intake of breath from her. I ran my fingers over her ring finger, imagining what it would be like when I asked her for real, what she'd say, how she'd react. Her eyes burned holes into me.

"But that is what I want. And if it proves to you how much you mean to me..."

"I don't want you proving anything. I believe you, Van. It was stupid of me to ask those questions. I don't want you asking me a question like this because you think you have something to prove."

I glanced up at her, through heavy eyes and strands of my hair that that fell around my face. "I'm asking you this, because it's what I want. More than anything in this world, Ellie, I want you with me forever."

She bit her lip. "I know. And I want you forever."

"I want to be yours. There's not going to be anyone else. Ever. And I know that."

She sighed. "Is it wrong that I want it to be...proper?"

I laughed and felt my cheeks grow red. "You want me on my knee, catching you off guard. Ring and all, don't you?"

She shrugged.

I leaned toward her, kissing her gently. "There's no shame in wanting that. And you do deserve something a little more...formal than this. Minimally a ring, I s'pose."

"Please don't get me anything obnoxious and loud. Don't spend a fortune on it. When you do decide that is."

I smiled between kisses and tucked away the thoughts to save them for later. "I'm glad I'm home."

"Me, too. But you know I'm going to ask...." she paused for a moment, deciding on the question before she asked it. "When do you leave again?"

I tensed slightly at the thought of leaving again. "A few weeks. Maybe more. We've got a bit of time."

She didn't press the issue further, and for that I was grateful. I didn't want to think about leaving her, when I'd just gotten back home. I slid my hands down her arms, pressing myself into her lightly, propping my forehead against hers.

"I don't want to think about that right now. Let's get our minds' off of leavin'."

Even in the darkness I could see the pinkish tones staining her cheeks. I pressed my lips against hers softly and the rest of the evening slipped away.

————————

We'd spent the night downstairs, nodding in and out of consciousness and losing ourselves in each other. At some point, the sun had come up and Ellie disappeared to the kitchen, only to come back sometime later with eggs and hash browns.