I Just Wanted to be Edgy Too

Chapter Thirty-Five

Van

Neither Bondy or I said a word. We sat at the table, sipping our tea slowly, trading glances for shuffling feet, while Agam and Slim leaned on the table with their elbows.

It was Slim who spoke first. "We're sorry about him, McCann. Never thought he'd take something this far."

Bondy shared an uninterested glance with me before clearing his throat. "Yet you've seen him take it this far on Ellie before and did nothing about it."

They traded glances with each other before Agam spoke up. "Didn't really know how to approach that. Wasn't really our place."

I laughed and turned to face them, exposing the stitches that ran lengthwise down my jaw. "I 'spose it wasn't my place then either?"

No one said anything so I figured I should continue.

"I'm not going to sit here and blame anyone other than Barns for what he did to her, but I'm also not the type to be silent about things like this, and I bit my tongue for too long. I could have stopped this. There's a million things I could have said, or done, that would have prevented this from happening."

Bondy narrowed his eyes at me, a fleeting look of sorrow resting on his features. I ignored it and continued.

"What's done is done, and unless you two have any idea where he is, I don't know why you're here. Your apology isn't warranted. This is not something you did. Unless you're here to apologize for something you've done, then it's not necessary."

A cloud of tension rolled through the air before Slim punctured it with his words. "He called us a few hours ago. He was on a bad come down, wouldn't tell us where just said somewhere safe. He was freaking out over it all. Asked if either of you were dead."

I wanted to throw up.

"We told him no. Told him El was worse than you. He was...upset to say the least, wanted to see her-"

"No." I cut him off and Bondy's neck snapped toward me. Not that I had any say on who she saw, but when it came to this, I was going to be vocal. "He doesn't come within inches of her. That's not happening again. That's over."

Slim nodded. "I'm worried he's going to hurt himself."

"Wouldn't be a bad thing." I could hear the venom in my voice.

Bondy clicked his tongue. "You don't mean that and you know it. You'd never say that about someone."

He was right. I'd rather Barns suffer through whatever penalties he'd have for hurting her, than to off himself. He didn't deserve to go easy. As if Bondy could read my thoughts, he lowered his voice and leaned into me.

"It's never an easy choice for someone when they decide they have no other option but to die. A day in the life mate. You taught me that."

I wanted to be mad at Bondy, wanted him to just understand my thoughts for a moment, but I couldn't. It wasn't in me. How could I be mad at someone for telling me the truth? I thought of the times Ellie was harsh with me when all I did was tell her the truth. My chest tightened.

"Sorry." I mumbled to Slim and Agam. "Didn't mean it like that."

"We quit." Agam announced loudly.

Bondy and I both looked at him at the same time. He shrugged his shoulders and patted Slim's back. "Barns has been through ten bandmates before us, he'll be fine without us. A buddy of mine has a band up in Canada, we're going to go hang around that scene for a while, see what all the fuss is about."