Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Clancy~

Clancy can no longer ignore the feeling that's been gnawing at him for some time. He doesn't understand it, it's true, but he knows, he knows, that even while surrounded by his fellow banditøs, something doesn't feel right. 

He thinks back to his time in Dema, and he knows, in the city of false gods and lies and empty glory, glittering as it may be, he did not belong. 

How could he, when he was finally able to identify the thing that called to him as a desire to escape? 

And escape he did. 

But...

Clancy shakes his head. 

Before he had joined the banditøs, he'd ventured into the world of Trench alone. 

In a way it was one of the most freeing out of anything he'd ever experienced, but it was also one of the most terrifying. Without any structure, everything was wild. Without any guidance, he was completely on his own for the first time in his life. 

Without any direction, he wandered anxiously, growing more tired and hopeless as time went on. 

He knows he might have died there if the bishops hadn't found him. 

That's not something he wants to think about, and certainly not something he ever dared to tell any of the banditøs-how, exactly, would the yellow-clad rebels react upon hearing he truly did owe his own safety to their greatest enemy? 

Although of course he faced consequences upon returning, the FPE badge sewn into his clothes, marking him as a traitor and a fool. 

But he'd been desperate enough to try it again. 

If he hadn't joined forces with the banditøs, he doesn't know what he would have done.

So the very notion he would even consider leaving them behind is insane. He knows that. 

But even as he joins around the joyful group that has gathered around the campfire, sharing their meager food supplies with each other, he feels it again. 

A slight in his heartstrings telling him to go back. 

Even as his mind reminds him of the terrible things the bishops did to him.

That night, he tries to explain the feeling.

"In Dema, one of the only ways I was able to keep going, keep living, was this...this desire, inside of me, telling me to keep going, keep surviving. Because on some level I felt compelled to move forward no matter what, to succeed. Like I had to prove something to the world. And I suppose I did. I had a lot of things to prove."

"Is that what you're feeling now?" Josh asks.

"No," Clancy says, running his hands through his hair, frusturated. "I-I just feel like there's something...I don't know, pulling me back."

"Back to Dema?" the leader of the banditøs looks concerned.

"I think so," Clancy says.

Josh's eyes widen. "But you can't!"

"Don't worry," Clancy says, "I don't intend to let them find me."

"You can't tell me that and then tell me not to worry!" Josh exclaims.

"Look," Clancy says, "This is important! I can feel it!"

Josh rubs his yellow bandana.

Must be some kind of nervous habit.

"Well," Josh says carefully, "I..."

He sits down, almost as if the words themselves are pushing him.

"If it's important to you-"

Clancy closes his eyes.

And he knows.

It is.

"I don't know how, or why, but...yes. I know that it's important."

"What if something happens to you?" Josh asks. "I won't know."

"No..."

He doesn't understand this feeling.

"I'm sorry. I wish I could tell you I'd be safe, but I'm probably never going to see you again. Or any of you."

"You aren't leaving now?" Josh asks.

"I think..." Clancy says, "I think I have to."

"No," Josh says. "No...please. That's-"

"Dangerous," Clancy says. "I know."

But he's not going to let that stop him.

Nothing will.

Not anymore.

"I'm sorry," Clancy says, "But I have to do this."

He turns away, into the night, before anything can stop him.

He doesn't look back.