Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Tyler~

Another day, another night. He's starting to lose track of what's happened to him, starting to wonder what the point of this is.

At this point he honestly wonders what will be different once-well, if, they manage to find their way to the banditøs' camp.

He isn't sure, but from what he's overheard the other two whispering about, they might actually be lost out here, somewhere in Trench.

Not that they'd tell him, of course.

Besides, everything is starting to look the same: grass, trees, mountains, flowers, sky.

Oh, and look, it's an animal. Shocking indeed.

He sighs, bringing his knees to his chest as he lies on the ground, trying to give some semblence of comfort to his troubled mind.

If he's being completely honest, these day-to-day worries, things he overhears Jenna and Josh talking about in hushed tones, things like their food supply nearly running low-he can't seem to care about them, because it seems there's something greater going on.

Something holding him in a tight, tight grip, making it so hard to breathe.

This question comes to the top of his mind and he can't shake it.

What does he even believe?

He doesn't even know. It's all become so foggy, so unclear, leaving him with simply shadows and mist in place of certainty and truth.

His eyes dart around their small, makeshift campsite, and he feels so lost, so out of control.

Will his life ever stop spinning in a thousand different directions at once?

Will he ever truly understand anything?

Or is this all he will ever know?

He lets out a small sob and pulls the blanket tighter around himself.

In the morning maybe things will look different...but he isn't convinced.

"Tyler?" Josh whispers. "Are you okay?"

Tyler doesn't say anything.

He doesn't want his fren to worry even more about him.

But Josh is very determined when he wants to be.

He scoots closer to his fren.

Tyler turns his back to him.

He wants. To be. Left. Alone.

"Tyler..." Josh whispers.

Still Tyler ignores him.

The sound of his own thoughts is so loud, and Josh's voice only adds to the chaos.

"Tyler!" Josh says.

Except...Tyler covers his face with his hands.

He didn't say it at all.

Do you need anything? Josh asks.

Tyler just shakes his head. No. Now go to sleep, okay?

Do I need to go find Jenna? Josh asks.

NO.

Josh suddenly sounds concerned. Did you two-

Josh. Get out of my head.

I still don't even know how we-

That's it. It's all just too much. Everything puts him even more on edge.

His hands are shaking. His ears are ringing. He doesn't cry. He can't.

But he's falling apart, right then and there.

Broken pieces scattering all over.

He doesn't know why Josh is still there beside him.

Surely his fren has seen by now what a mess he is. Surely Josh realizes he doesn't deserve happiness or love, or-his breath seems to catch in his throat and he stares down at his scars-life.

And then before he knows what is happening, Josh is pulling him close.

At first he tries to jerk away.

He doesn't want that unwelcome physical contact.

He doesn't like how uncomfortable it makes him feel.

He wishes Josh would just let him go.

But instead Josh holds him tighter.

Tyler tries to fight.

You're making things worse! Can't you see?

This time the tears really do come. Ugly tears.

Tyler doesn't know how much time passes by as Josh just holds him like that, letting him cry.

Eventually he just stops trying to fight.

He's worn himself out and can no longer fight the exhuastion that's been creeping up on him.

His eyes eventually close, but Josh still doesn't let him go.

It's only when morning comes that Tyler realizes what his fren meant by that gesture.

I love you. I'm not going to let you go.

That should have made him feel better but instead it makes him feel like such a burden.

When has he ever done anything to help Josh?

All he ever does is give him more pain.

Stop it. You're here, aren't you? For now, that's all that matters.

Tyler looks at him doubtfully.

No. Nothing I do is enough! How can you say that?

How can you believe it?

Because it's true!

No. It's not true. You're worth so much more than you realize.

I'm not.

You are.

Tyler realizes Josh is not going to let it rest any time soon so he just sighs.

He doesn't believe it.

Everything in him tells him not to.

But...he wants to believe it.

And maybe that's a start.

i like this chapter, even though i feel it so, so much...i'm proud of it. and maybe that's a start, writing my own struggles down in the form of fiction.