What's happening now? He doesn't know.
He's barely aware of falling asleep the night before, and everything that might have happened before it a complete blur.
He doesn't even know when he wakes up. He can barely distangle each day from each other as it is, barely able to keep track of the passage of time.
But when he's awake he's so very aware of his, heavy, heavy heart.
The fact that it feels like that isn't even new.
Has it always been like this?
Has he always been so weighed down by all his feelings that he felt so detached, unreal?
He doesn't know.
Doesn't even know if he's still breathing, he's so disconnected from it all.
But if he's being completely honest he doesn't care all that much.
He already is lost; what does it matter whether his body keeps living, keeps existing without him?
What does any of it matter?
Before he can stop himself he finds himself falling back into the same habits, same patterns, as before.
But it doesn't matter.
They don't make him feel anything.
Even as he hides the evidence of what he's done for another day, the guilt barely pricks at him.
It only resurfaces when Josh looks over at him.
Oh no.
Please don't notice-please don't-
"Tyler," his fren finally says, "Are you-"
The word left unspoken hangs between them, and Tyler shakes his head.
"No," he says. "But what did you expect?"
Josh is quiet for a moment.
"I wish I could say I was," Tyler says quietly. "I wish I could say that, but-but I'm not. Maybe I never was."
It's only then that he remembers showing his fren yesterday what could be-||-// instead of //-||. It could have stopped him. It could have, but it didn't.
Oh, why, why couldn't it?
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Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)
FanfictionTyler is alone in the city of Dema. He can't remember who he was before then. All he knows now is trying to survive in this world. He sees others around him who are struggling too, and he wants to help them. But he can't. He can't even seem to help...
