Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Tyler~

They're all watching me, aren't they? He thinks restlessly as he tries not to let his panic show. His fear.

Maybe they are, maybe they're not.

He doesn't know.

It doesn't matter anymore, so long as that's what his mind is telling him.

When that happens, when his mind goes into self-destruct mode, nothing matters.

Nothing matters because real or imagined, false or true, the fear and worry and feeling of being so visible, his fears and insecurities and everything, right there for anyone who wanted to see, it consumes him until he can't think of anything else.

In this moment it doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter that he's alive, not if no one cares.

It doesn't matter that he's here if it doesn't feel like he is, if he feels like he's a thousand miles away.

He can still hear the sounds of people just a little ways away from him.

Living and existing and not dealing with the same demons that are always plaguing his mind.

But that's not fair.

Their lives aren't easy either.

He knows that, and that makes him feel so much worse.

How can he even complain when someone, somewhere, might have it even worse?

For a moment it seems like he's back in the city.

Back in Dema.

It honestly and truly seems as though Nico is placing his colder than cold hands around his neck, turning his thoughts darker and darker.

He feels a shiver tear through him unexpectedly.

It doesn't go away and he hates that, hates how little control he has over his own body. 

Hates it all.

No one seems to notice. 

He loves that they don't but at the same time hates it. 

Wants to be noticed by someone. 

He isn't. 

He isn't and he finds himself slowly disappearing, back into the same shadow of himself. 

Where nothing matters and reality is so far out of reach and he can't seem to find a trace of happiness. Anything. 

Just a pointless, blank existence. 

If he still feels this way after leaving it all behind, maybe he would have been better off staying. 

He thinks for a moment, doesn't even mean to, just finds his mind getting pulled in that direction. 

He finds himself wondering, wondering, wondering, and before he know it he finds his mind back inside that place where the disturbing daydreams, haunting his thoughts both waking and not...

"You thought you could escape me," Nico seems to be saying. "You thought you could run, didn't you? You did run. But you should have known better." 

"You should have," he says again, and before it knows what's happening the bishop is holding him tight, so tight he can't breathe. "You should have known that you can't escape me, child. You can't escape me until you're dead." 

But he knew that already. 

He knew and even though it hurts, it hurts so bad, there is no changing it.

Nico's voice echos in his ears. 

"You can't escape me until you're dead." 

He thinks...he thinks he might be crying. 

But he doesn't know. 

He feels so detached from it all right now he has no way of knowing anything. 

Anything. 

Anything. 

"Tyler!"

He is afraid because he's so disconnected from it all. 

He thinks its the bishop again and wishes he knew what to do but-

"Tyler!" 

Someone shakes him roughly. 

He startles, only to find-

It's Jenna. 

"Are you-Tyler, talk to me. Are you okay?" she asks him. 

He just shakes his head. "No." 

No escape no escape... 

"Not at all..." he says. "Not at all."

But later he writes this:

B ishops won't win with their scarlet robes 

A nything can drag you down, but don't give in 

C areful now, careful not to let go 

K ick away the demons 

O f course you can achieve your dreams 

F inish what you start 

F ear won't win 

N o one knows what it's like to be you except you 

O nly you are in charge of your future 

V enture into your heart, let it lead the way 

E verything is going to be okay 

L ight is shining if only you look 

H ello, you're not alone, I promise 

D on't give into that darkness 

It's a start at least.