Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Tyler~

He's already anxious. He's beginning to forget things, starting to get desperate...

Where where where where-

Oh. 

Right. 

His eyes are immediately drawn there. 

His muscles seem to tighten, making him remember everything-truly everything he has done before now. 

Making him wonder just how hard it would be to-but no. 

He can't.

He can't he can't he can't. 

Not after he's made it this long, this far. 

Hasn't he made some progress?

To give in again would undo all of that...

But it might give him some relief...

Not enough. 

No. Not enough for it to be worth it. 

At least he tells himself that. 

He tells himself that even as he has he finds himself balling his hands into fists, biting his lip, anything that will keep him from that dreadful place where he finds himself yet again a prisoner of those same self-destrutive habits. 

And this time, he manages to stop himself. 

This time. 

But what about the next time? 

Will he ever truly be free?

No, an all-too-familiar voice whispers. 

No. Never. 

That thought is almost enough. 

Almost enough for him to be pushed back over the edge again, to abruptly just get up. Get up and do something just so he feels anything. Anything. 

This growing emptiness is more than he can take. 

But he thinks. 

He thinks of all the people he'd have to hide that from, who he promised not to lie to.

He swallows. 

Could he really keep this a secret again?

No. 

It would practically destroy every semblence of normalcy and self-control he had slowly, slowly built up. 

And he hated that. 

Finally the war inside of him is enough so that he is just so exhausted he collapses right there. 

But he doesn't know whether his sleep is anything close to restful or not. 

He doesn't know anything anymore. 

Bad and good, they're always at war. And one will always overtake the other. 

Now he knows which one won. 

But he hopes. 

He hopes and holds onto the idea of better days, a better life, refusing to let go.