Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Mari~

Even though nothing noteworthy or dramatic is happening at the moment, it  seems like her world is spinning. 

She wishes there were some way on zeroing in, focusing on one thing to keep the world from overwhelming her. 

But right now there really isn't. 

No. 

No way of coping. 

Just her thoughts and feelings and messed up, broken mind. 

She tries to hold on, tries to bite her lip and just stay in the present. 

She's certain something is happening around her, something she needs to be paying attention to but she can't make herself. 

If anyone asks her anything she's terrified she's going to sound irritated and she is, just not at them. 

She's irritated, angry at the world-at life- for making her feel this way all the time. 

Plus lately she can't seem to find the right words. 

She never could but now that worry is gnawing at her further, making instances when she must communicate all the more difficult. 

She doesn't remember it all, doesn't want to either, but it seems as though she's always been quiet. 

Well. 

With her words. 

Her thoughts and her mind and her traitorous, cold, heart-those have always been so loud. 

No one could hear it but her, and in the end, that was her own burden to carry. 

Though she hated-hates-it, it is the truth. 

No one can understand her silence because they don't understand the weight it carries. 

Leaving her the only one who gets to deal with it. 

Or try. 

Or fail-fail alone with no one to see or care about her failure. 

"Mari?" someone says. 

"What?" she asks, more roughly, more angrily than she'd intended because she can't bottle her feelings up right now. 

"Are you upset?" they ask, she can't even think who, her brain seems to have decided to shut down. 

"No-I'm not upset." 

But she is and every word that comes out of her mouth is oh so very wrong. 

"You sound upset-is something wrong?" whoever they are asks, and she shakes her head. 

"Oh-"

Wait. 

No. 

"Hold on," Mari says, and the person turns around. 

She gulps. 

"Tyler?" she asks. 

"Wait. Are you-are you okay?" she asks. 

"I don't..." he says, "I don't know." 

"Where's Josh?" she asks, because it's rare to see one of them without the other. 

He just shrugs. 

Looks at her. 

"Are you okay?" he asks. 

She shakes her head. 

"I never am," she admits. 

"Me neither," Tyler says. "Somedays, especially no."