Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Mari~

Her mind is spinning, racing, trying to figure out what it all means, what the world around her truly is like...where she fits into it all.

If she does.

But she doesn't know.

Everything inside of her seems to be screaming out in pain and here she is, trying to hold herself together and just pretend...

But she's not pretending, is she?

This is her.

This is who she is.

Isn't it?

But maybe she's changed.

Maybe she's become even more different than those around her.

But she doesn't want that.

She doesn't want to be like them.

But she doesn't want to be like this, either.

Nothing seems to truly make her feel alive.

If she does feel all right, that feeling always fades. Every. Single. Time.

She wishes she knew why.

But her brain simply hurts like it can't take in any more information, it can't use the energy used to fight against itself to find any other alternate paths...

She's exhausted, isn't she?

But her thoughts never stop, marching their way across her mind, shaking her crumbling foundations even further.

Even though she's tired she knows she can't rest, not truly.

But is giving in, giving up, is that the best answer?

She doesn't know.

Would that even be giving in?

Or is this something she needs to do?

She doesn't know.

The smallest things seem to taunt her messed up mind, leaving her scrabbling to survive.

And she hates it.

Is so afraid that one day someone will see past this, the girl who sits quietly, alone, and truly see her for what she is.

She can't hand them all the pieces of her fractured self.

Doesn't trust them not to use them against her.

Isn't that what the bishops had done, in Dema?

Yeah.

That's exactly what they did.

Mari doesn't want to think about that place but the fact remains that she spent so long there.

She can hardy detangle herself from there now.

Logically, she knows.

She knows everything that was negative stemmed from that place.

But she can't understand how to get rid of it when everything she was-is-came from there.

How do you get rid of part of your identity?

Letting go of herself, the only person she really feels she has most times...well, the thought of that is terrifying.

Who would catch her if she couldn't put herself back together?

Would she just fall forever, fumbling in the darkness?