Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Tyler~

Somehow, time has sped by. 

He remembers how it went, at least partially, though his memories are starting to turn sour around the edges. 

Because some feeling-he doesn't know how to put his finger on it. 

Though he remembers things going relatively well, something surfaces inside his mind. 

"I'm tired," Josh says suddenly.

He certainly looks it.

"I'm going to go to bed now, all right?" he asks.

Tyler nods and stares at the ground.

"You know," Josh says, "It's getting pretty late. You might want to-"

He knows that Josh really does mean well but still, he can barely restrain himself from saying something rude to his fren.

And he hates it.

When he finally does say something, he remembers how much he dislikes the sound of his own voice.

"I'm not tired," he says, and its not even a lie.

His mind is racing too fast for him to truly feel worn out.

Josh sighs. "Okay. Well, good night."

"Good night," he mumbles, but of course its not.

As soon as Josh leaves he's gripped by a sudden urge to do something.

He tries to get rid of those thoughts, tries to convince himself of how wrong that would be.

But he can't.

"No," he says aloud. "No."

But it would be so easy...

Tyler swallows.

It would be.

He knows it.

He feels so alone even though it's been mere minutes since Josh left, and before that, Jenna was with him. 

He tries to remember what she said. 

Something good. Anything good. 

So he pulls his jacket tighter around himself, and while he feels slightly more protected it isn't enough for him to stop shaking. It isn't enough to drown out the deafening quiet pushing him deeper into those very thoughts he's trying to escape.

He doesn't know how long he sits there, staring at the landscape around him, burning it into his mind until he's sure he will see it in his dreams.

But he does know that when it gets too dark to see his hands in front of his face, he gets up, ignoring how much his legs are shaking, ignoring the fact that he can barely even walk because of the toll those thoughts have taken on his body.

Just as he ignores how he has to ball his hands into fists and dig his fingernails into his palms, trying to get rid of the lingering feeling, lingering urge to take everything out on himself. To just give in.

Just as he ignores the number of times he's shifted his position after he lies down, trying and failing to fall asleep. Ignores the urges that come even stronger, causing the tears to fall and his breathing to become uneven.

Ignores the thoughts that tell him to wake up Josh so he doesn't have to battle this alone. Or Jenna. Or anyone-

Ignores it all until he can't fight against the exhaustion anymore and finds his eyes closing and his mind drifting off, dreaming.