Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Tyler~

TW: self-harm. 

He isn't supposed to be here.

That thought hits him so hard and completely out of nowhere, but he doesn't try to push it away.

He knows he isn't supposed to be here.

How can he?

How can he belong after everything he's done?

The noise of all the conversations around him hurts his ears, adds up until he can't even sit still.

All he can think is: how can he get away?

What he wants, more than anything right now, is to be left alone.

He wants to be alone but he can't be, not now.

So he just sits, trying, trying, trying to be patient.

Trying not to let anyone see how jumbled up his worried feelings are, how much fear is plaguing his mind.

That becomes nearly impossible when someone asks him a question.

He is jolted back to reality and looks around, sure his fear is written all over his face, no longer tucked away.

Josh is looking at him, concerned.

"Did you hear anything I said?"

Tyler shakes his head.

The invisible pressure is growing.

The longer he stays here the more it grows.

The more he knows how truly out of place he is here.

Josh turns back to whatever he was doing before-Tyler doesn't know, he may have been present physically, but his mind was somewhere far, far away-and a new feeling strikes him. Hard.

It's one he's become far too familiar with lately.

Loneliness.

He's surrounded by people but that doesn't seem to matter.

He's been surrounded by people since they found the banditøs.

But he feels isolated.

Everything seems to grow and grow until it's...

All.

Too.

Much.

He manages to pull himself out of his thoughts long enough to glance around.

No one is even looking at him.

That both reassures him and fills him with even more sadness.

They don't care.

Part of him suspects that, deep down, that he isn't seeing things right.

That things are maybe different than what the skewed version of reality he sees is telling him.

But it doesn't matter.

He can't take this anymore, this overwhelming feeling of false.

So he pulls his hood over his head and slips away. 

He doesn't care if anyone noticed or not. 

Doesn't-can't- care about much of anything right now. 

He finds himself rubbing his wrists. 

Surprised to find they're still unmarked. 

More than surprised.