Øverturning the lies (a twenty one pilots fanfiction)

~Mari~

The how and the when and the way have gone...there's no telling what time means, what life means. But somehow, the two of them have found there way here...so she listens. 

"This is why."

He swallows, shaking all over.

Unable to stop.

"This is-why...no one-"

He says each word like they're causing him physical pain.

He exhales. "Comes back. Why no one comes back alive."

"You came back," Mari points out.

"No," Tyler says, "I didn't come back."

"I-I don't understand," Mari says.

"I think maybe you do," Tyler says. "What I mean is-sometimes I feel like part of me isn't just missing, like there's a hole inside of me, but actually dead. Like someone-or something-killed it."

"Yes," Mari nods. "I understand that a lot."

"That's..." Tyler sighs "That's what I meant. I feel like an important part of me is just...gone. For good.

"...And you're just empty," Mari says.

Tyler glances at her. "Exactly."

"That's what you mean," Mari realizes. "You don't feel like the part that's you survived-survived the city."

"Yeah," Tyler says, his voice shaking. "I made it out of there, but for what? I-I don't feel any better. Maybe-maybe sometimes I do. For a m-moment. But it never lasts, does it?"

Mari shakes her head. "No. No, it doesn't. You're exactly right."

"And that's terrifying," Tyler says.

"Yes," Mari says, blinking back tears. "It is."

"Can I tell you something?" Tyler asks.

"Of course you can," Mari says.

"The only reason I'm alive right now is because of Josh," he says in a rush.

"R-really?" Mari asks, surprised.

"Yes," Tyler says. "That's why he can't know-"

"Can't know what?" Mari asks, unsure if she really wants to know.

"Nico-he-he almost convinced me," Tyler says, "No. Wait. He had convinced me. I almost-I was about to –well. Josh stopped me before I could do anything else."

Where would we be without Josh? Mari wonders.

But Tyler isn't finished talking.

"S-sometimes, though," he says, and Mari can feel her heart aching, "I wish he hadn't stopped me."

Mari sits, stunned into silence.

"But then-"

"I know. Then...I would be dead,"" Tyler says.

For a moment they're both completely quiet.

"That's why no one comes back," Mari says. "They're desperate enough-"

"That they see no other way out," Tyler agrees.

"It's terrible," Mari says, "But it's not their fault."

She turns to Tyler. "It's not your fault you feel like that, either."

"I...I know," Tyler says. "Believe me, logically I do know that. But-I still feel it."

"I know," Mari says. "Oh...believe me, I know. But...I don't think any less of you because of that. If anything I think more highly of you, you know."

"Really?"

"Yeah," Mari says truthfully, "Battling with your own thoughts, every single day? I know what that's like. And so do you. I mean, you've been through some serious-well, serious crap. But you're still here."

"So are you," Tyler says. "And for that, I'm proud of you."

Mari smiles.

"I mean it," Tyler says.

Mari turns to him.

"I-I love you, you know," she says. "I just thought you should know that. You've helped me a lot."

Quiet settles over them again.

"Don't let that ruin your relationship with Josh, though," she adds jokingly. "I didn't mean it in that way."

"Yeah, I know," Tyler says. "Wait-did you-

Mari giggles.

"I'll tell him you said that," Tyler says.

"You really do look good together, though," Mari says. "You're not actually-"

"Actually what?" Tyler asks innocently.

"Oh, you know exactly what I mean," Mari says.

"Yeah, yeah, I do," Tyler says. "And, well, I'll let you be the judge of that."

Mari laughs.

"Thanks for the homework," she says. "I'll be keeping an eye on you two."

"Aw, man," Tyler says. "I'm gonna have to be a tad bit more discreet from now on, huh?"

"Oh, stop it," Mari says. "You're impossible."

"I do try," Tyler says.

"Hey," he says, after a moment. "Love you too, M. I'm glad you're here."

"Is that my new nickname or something?" Mari asks.

"Sure. It fits, don't you think?" Tyler asks.

"Yeah-it-it really does," she agrees.

"Would you look at that..." Tyler says.

"What?" Mari asks.

"I'm not...I'm not feeling quite as bad," Tyler says. "That's certainly something."

"It really is," Mari says. "It really is."