It's Forbidden

Lost In My Mind

Later that night Aspen finds herself at Tony's bar. Her conversations with Steve the past two days being too overwhelming for her. Not that she could get drunk, but she would find herself trying. She sits down at the bar stool and she's greeted by Nat who was behind the bar. "So how're you liking it here?" Nat asks Aspen as she pours her a drink. "I know you don't know us too well yet, but you have Steve and Bucky, right?" She asks.

"Yea, it's nice." Aspen says. "Sometimes I get lost though." Aspen tells Natasha. She often found herself getting lost going through the halls of the compound. The place was massive and if it weren't for the actual map that Tony had to give her, she probably would've found herself lost in a hall and have starved to death.

"Lost in the house lost, or lost in your mind lost?" Nat asks her. Aspen downed her drink, not that it could do anything, but again she would try. "It's loaded questions like those that make me wish I could get drunk." Aspen tells Nat. She shakes her head and thinks about what Nat had asked her. And she did often get lost in her own mind.

Thinking about everything. The forties, hydra, Wakanda, and everything in between. She unintentionally tortured herself.  She wished she could stop thinking about it but she couldn't. She couldn't even get a good nights sleep because of her nightmares about everything. She would do anything to sleep through the night again. Even if it were just one night.

"So a little bit of both?" Nat asks her. When Natasha first came to the compound, this had been the case for her as well. She had found herself lost more than once. Not just in the halls, but she forgot who she was, for a while.

It wasn't until Clint helped to remind her who she was that she finally stopped getting lost. And Natasha felt that was the case with Aspen, and Bucky would be her map. She just needed to do some slight digging to get the answers she wanted. To help Aspen see what everyone else could, but her and Bucky hadn't yet.

"Yea a little bit of both. But I was originally talking about how massive this place is." Aspen tells Natasha truthfully. She had thought a lot about the people at the compound, the Avengers. She needed to find someone to talk to other than Steve and Bucky. Like Nat or Wanda, she needed friends who were girls.

Natasha smirks slightly as she looks at Aspen. "Tony always outdoes himself. You know he's handsome, he's single, and he's obviously attracted to you." Natasha says. Referring to the times Tony had been caught checking Aspen out. No matter how subtle he thought he was being, he wasn't. Everyone saw it. She was surprised Steve hadn't said anything about it but he was obviously too worried about Aspen and Bucky.

Aspen laughed to herself and shook her head at Nat. "Oh uhm, he is very handsome, but he's not my type. Uhm and I'm not really looking for anything. Or anyone I guess." Aspen says. And she wasn't looking for anything. It would be too complicated with everything going through her mind. She couldn't maintain her mental health and a healthy relationship at the same time. Not now. Not yet anyway.

And Tony wasn't not attractive, he just wasn't her type. When she thought about dating, about what kind of guy she would want to be with, he wasn't the one that came to mind. It was almost as if Natasha could read Aspen's mind in that moment. She looked at her, they met eyes and Nat smirked, again. Her signature move in the conversation. "What is your type?" Natasha asks. "Brunette super soldiers? Damaged? With a metal arm?" Natasha continues. Referring to Bucky.

Aspen finishes off another drink and avoids eye contact with Natasha. "I have no idea what you're talking about." She says. "Bucky, Aspen." Nat says. "There's no way you two are just friends. The way he looks at you." Natasha says. She wasn't necessarily wrong either. It wasn't like Aspen ignored the signs she just didn't see them, and neither did Bucky.

Neither of them could understand how they had felt about one another until someone else brought it to their attention. Because a relationship, more than just platonic, was the last thing on their minds. The only thing they thought about was protecting one another or making sure they were okay. They were more concerned about the others feelings than what they were feelings themselves.

"He's my best friend. It's not like that." Aspen tells Natasha. And it wasn't like that. Not to her. Not then. In that moment she did just think of him as her best friend. Her Bucky. The guy who was always there with her. Through the thick and thin, through everything.

The guy who she wanted to protect no matter what it took, the guy who protected her no matter what it took. Who always looked after her. And to her that meant him being her best friend. Her being his best friend. Neither of them had our together yet, that they could be best friends, and he in love with each other.

Some would argue the best relationships, start out with best friends. And in Bucky and Aspen's case, this would definitely reign true. If or when they had finally figured it out. "So you're telling me you're not in love with him?" Natasha asks Aspen.

Aspen had to think long and hard about that question. In the moment she answered quickly. But after she had answered, she really thought to herself about everything they had been through, everything they had done for each other. "No...I do love him. As my best friend." Aspen told Natasha. But she could love him as a best friend and as more, but she didn't know that yet. The thought hadn't crossed her mind. Yet.