It's Forbidden

Nightmares

Bucky screamed as he felt the electricity running y through his body. Pure pain coursing through his body. And fear. Not just fear for what would happen to him but he was terrified of what they would do to Aspen. And he knew he couldn't protect her. She was the only thing he worried about. The only thing he cared about. And he would rather die than let anything happen to her.

He felt this pain over, and over, and over again. And so did Aspen. And he couldn't do anything. So he decided to let go. He was frozen, put into cryostasis for seventy years. His memory wiped again. And he was sent on a mission to kill his best friend. He felt his bones breaking as he hit him. And then, out of nowhere, he snapped out of it.

*

Bucky woke up, sweat dripping down his body. He had been tossing and turning. From his nightmare. His recollections of hydra. He jolted awake. He felt in his throat that he had been screaming. His throat was sore and he dry. He tried to swallow. He took deep breaks. And then he heard a soft knock on the door.

He looked over and saw Aspen in the doorway wearing just a T-shirt. He could tell she had been asleep and woken up. By him. Getting fully dressed was the last thing on her mind because he needed her. "Bucky? Are you okay?" She whispered. He had registered it was her, but for some reason he had to say her name, to make sure she was really there, to make sure it was really her. "Aspen?" He asked. His voice breaking.

"I'm here. It's okay. Come here." She said. She walked over to him and held her hand out to him. He looked at her hand, and to her face. Her pouty lips. Her tried beautiful green eyes. Her dirty blonde hair in a messy bun. He took her hand and stood up. He was only in boxers but that was the last thing on his mind.

Aspen took her hand out of bucky's and wrapped her arms around his neck. Hugging him. It took him a moment to register what was happening, and when he did his arms wrapped around her waist. He held her tight and he let her hold him. They stood like that for a moment and then both pulled away.

They sat on the couch in Bucky's room. She looked at him and he was staring in space. "Do you wanna tell me what it was about?" She asks breaking the silence. He shook his head and looked the other way. Aspen took his hand in hers and gave it a soft reassuring squeeze. "You don't have to, but you know you can, right?" she asks him.

He looks at her and takes a deep breath. "It's always Hydra. Memories. The people I killed." Bucky said. He looked away ashamed. Aspen was still holding his hand and she squeezed it harder. "Bucky that wasn't us. You know that." She told him. "We had no control." She said. It was impossible to convince Bucky of something.

He was always so hard on himself. He would convince himself of something and that would be that. There was no convincing him otherwise. Unless the person trying to convince him was Aspen. Then she had a chance.

He took his water off the side table and drank it. Trying to ignore Aspen trying to convince him f something he truly believed, even though part of him knew she was right. "Bucky it wasn't you." She told him again. She had tears in her eyes.

She had to tell herself this on multiply occasions. When she woke up from nightmares. Memories of the people she killed. She told herself over and over again it wasn't her fault. It wasn't her. She would never do something like that. It wasn't her. So when it came to telling Bucky this too, it was easy. It was the same song on repeat.

And it was like Bucky could read her mind. He looked at her and squeezed her hand back. "It wasn't you either." He told her. She shook her head and looked away. Wiping her tears. Trying to compose herself in front of him. Something she always did. She turned back to him and gave s soft smile. "Are yo I ready to go back to bed?" She asked him.

He gave a small smile and shook his head. "Will you stay with me?" He asked her. He didn't want to cross a line, or push her in any way. But he knew he would just wake up with nightmares again. Unless he was with Aspen. Because being around Aspen calmed him down, put him in a peaceful state of mind. Being around her made everything better. So he didn't want he'd to leave. Not just yet. He wanted her to stay so he could stay in his peace. "Of course." She said.

They stood up from the couch and went and laid down together. Aspen had her back to Bucky. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and held her. They had fell asleep together before, and cuddled before. But in the forties. Before hydra. This time was different.

Bucky kissed Aspen's head as they got comfortable. "Goodnight Aspen." He said. He kissed her head again and held her tighter, finally laying down. "Thank you." He whispered. Aspen cuddled into him and held his arms around her. "Goodnight James." She whispered.