It's Forbidden

I'd Be Lost

When Bucky and Aspen got back to her room, Aspen had Bucky go into her bathroom with her. He sat on the closed toilet seat and she put a towel around his shoulders to keep the hair she'd cut off his clothes.

She wet his hair and grabbed her hair scissors, she would always cut or trim her own hair too, so she was prepared. She borrowed Steve's electric razor and his razor heads. She sectioned off his hair. Buzzing the underneath, the back of his neck, making it short but not really buzz cut short.

She cut the sides a little longer than the back, still on the shorter side, and the top she cut down but had it fluffy and longed than both the back and sides. It reminded her of his 40's hair cut and that's what she had envisioned while she was cutting his hair.

After they cleaned up and she washed Bucky's hair, they went out side to get some fresh air. It had been too long since they actually got the chance to go outside, and at their own free will. They went outside together and sat on Tony's porch.

"You like it though? You don't think it's too short?" Aspen asks Bucky, she had been worried he didn't like it. He didn't specify what he wanted he just said 'kinda short but don't make me bald'. And that's pretty much what she did. Short but not bald.

Bucky looks over at Aspen and smiles at her. "Aspen I like it." He assured her. Giving her the same warm Bucky smile he had always given her when she had worried herself about something. It was the smile that reminded her she was home, she was safe, and that everything would be okay. "I'm glad you like it." She says smiling back at him.

And for a while, they sat in silence, soaking in each other's presence. Thinking. Enjoying being able to be out in the open. Aspen looks over at Bucky for a moment and just smiles at him. Looking at his hair and reminiscing about the 40's, when everything was so simple and nothing bad had really happened.

Bucky looks over at her and starts laughing. "What're you looking at?" He asks. Aspen laughs back at him and shakes her head. "I missed your short hair." She tells him honestly. "I haven't seen it like this in seventy years." She says. Bucky smiles and looks away from Aspen as he slightly blushes.

"I've always liked short hair. And I know you like it too." He says elbowing her and laughing slightly. But he was serious. He knew she liked his short hair better because before hydra he chose short hair, the long hair wasn't his choice. She liked it not just because it looked good but because he liked his hair short and kept it that way willingly.

"That's why you cut it like this right?" He asked. "Well you said cut it short and I had that image in mind so...yea kind of." She says laughing back at him. When they were together, they were always happy. Even if one of them or both of them was upset, they found each other's presence enough to make them happy.

Bucky laughs and shakes his head. "You're too much Aspen." Aspen joins in on the laughter. And after a moment it dies down. And the conversation turns serious. "I'm glad I had you with me during...everything." He said. He didn't make eye contact, wanting to hear what she had to say first. Sus out how she was feeling. "So am I." Aspen says.

Bucky still doesn't look at Aspen yet. "Can I ask you something?" Aspen keeps her eyes locked on him. "Of course." She says. Bucky takes a deep breath and stares at the ground. "Why did you jump?" He asks, finally making eye contact with Aspen.

Aspen takes a deep breath, still not looking away from Bucky. "I knew you would either be injured and need help, or you weren't going to make it." Aspen said. Bucky went back to staring at the ground at her confession. "...and I didn't want you to go alone. And if I died at least I would be with you." She says.

Bucky still didn't look at her. "I didn't want you to be alone." Aspen said. "You should've left me." Bucky says. "They hurt you because of me." He looks at Aspen and she can tell he's in pain. Not physically, but emotionally, mentally. "That's what haunts me." Hd says.

Knowing that he was the reason Aspen jumped, hurt him. She put her life at risk for him. And then she ended up being tortured endlessly and put under mind control for over half a century. And Aspen hated that he felt that it was his fault, because she made that decision and she would do it again.

"Please don't blame yourself Bucky. It was my choice to jump, you can't put that burden on yourself." She says. And to Bucky, whatever Aspen said, he tried to do. If she was happy, he was happy. And if she didn't want him to blame himself, he'd try like hell not to.

If it made her happy that he didn't blame himself, he would do whatever it takes. She was strong and kind, and he didn't know how he would've made it through everything without her. He didn't think he would have.

"I'd be lost without you." Bucky says. He looks back up at Aspen and smiles. Bringing Aspen to smile too. She sighs and shakes her head, shaking away the tears. She was overwhelmed. By everything. And she knew she wouldn't be anywhere without Bucky either. "So would I..." Aspen whispers back.