It's Forbidden

On Drugs

It had been several hours of them sitting in silence after their talk. Neither of them wanted to talk. They were just focused on Aspen. They needed her to be okay. So they sat there. Both of them running through their last conversation with her in their heads, over and over again. Bucky wishing he told her he loved her. Just in case. He needed her to know that he loved her, more than he had ever loved anything. But he didn't tell her before she went under for her surgery. That was a choice he made.

He wanted to tell her when she was better. When he could make an intimate moment out of it. He didn't want to say it when she was in a hospital because he wanted her to know that he really meant it. And he meant it more than anything. But now, he wished he had told her anyway. Because what if something happened, and he never got the chance to tell her that he loved her. He would never forgive himself. This ran in his mind over and over while they were sitting there. He beat himself up about it over and over again.

Steve thought about his last conversation with Aspen. Not being able to stop replaying it in his head. Him and Bucky both mental torturing themselves. He thought about heart she had said before they went on the mission. What he had said. Regret poured through him. Guilt ran through his veins. He wanted to hit something, or cry. But he didn't. He held himself together for the moment. And he just kept running these conversations with her in his head over and over again. She told him she hated him. He wondered if it were true. If she meant it.

Part of him knew she didn't. But he still couldn't help but think about it. He didn't want the last conversation they had with each other be an argument. He beat himself up. Wishing he could go back. Tell her he was sorry. He wanted to go back and do everything differently. He didn't want her to hate him. He wanted to do things the right way. Tell her everything the right way. But he couldn't. All he could do at this point, was sit tight, and wait for Bruce to update the, wait for her to get out of surgery.

Tony sat there too. Thinking about all the missed opportunities he had with Aspen. If he knew they were related he could have gotten to know her. If he knew they were related, he would have had family. He could have been there for her. Been supportive of her with everything she went through coming out of the ice. He could have to begin with but he didn't think it was really his place to do that, he didn't want her to seem uncomfortable. And if he knew they were related, he sure as hell would never had flirted with her.

After a few hours, Bruce finally comes out. Bucky Steve and Tony stand up and look too Bruce for answers simultaneously. Bruce looks at all three of their worried faces and gives them a small reassuring smile. Trying to get them all to relax a bit as he updates them all on Aspen's current condition. It didn't work. They still looked worried and stressed out. They were all tired. They had come back from a mission and none of them had gotten any kind of sleep for the past three days. They needed a win and they needed their minds eased so they could get sleep.

"Everything went well." Bruce tells them. They sigh. Relieved. "She's still a little out of it but she'll be fine in a few hours." Bruce tells them all. Bucky needed to see her as soon as possible. He didn't want to be away from her another second. But he knew the state she was in, loopy, not having a filter, it wouldn't be a good idea for Steve to be in the room. He was afraid he would speak her mind a little too much. He wanted her to do all that when she was coherent. So the conversation could be serious and not just her on drugs.

"I think it's best if you wait out here until she's coherent." Bucky tells Steve. Hoping there wouldn't be a fight. Hoping he would agree. And thankfully, there was no fight. Steve knew Bucky was right. He knew it wouldn't go well and they needed to have this conversation when she was lucid. "Okay." Steve says without protest. Bucky nodded a 'thank you' too Steve than to Bruce.

He went into the room, everyone else stayed out, giving them time alone while Aspen was still coming out of the anesthesia. He walks in and smiles as he sees Aspen. She sees him and gives him a big smile, he can tell by her droopy eye lids and goofy smile she was still coming off the anesthesia. He could help but laugh a little at how goofy and adorable she looked. "Ooooh hi." She says when she sees Bucky.

"Hey doll. How're you feeling?" Bucky asks her. He makes his way over to her, sitting on the bed next to Aspen and holding her hand. "Very good." She says. "Were you nice to Stevie?" She asks Bucky. "We talked." Bucky tells her. But he didn't want to get into right now. Not while she was like this. "And you and I will talk about it later." He tells her. "Why?" She asked. "I want to know now." She protests.

He shales his head, smiling at her almost child-like behavior. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Because you're on drugs." He tells her simply. "Fine." Aspen says. Pouting. "How about we lay down and take a nap." He suggests. "Hopefully when you get up, you'll be lucid." Bucky tells her. Aspen looks up at Bucky with big sad eyes, worrying he'll leave her alone.

"Can you lay with me?" She puts. Bucky can't help but smile at her and think about how much he loves the woman laying beside him. "Of course." He tells her. He wouldn't have it any other way. He lays down next to her and pulls her body close to him, holding her tight. "Can you take off you clothes?" Aspen asks, pulling at the fabric covering his body.

"No." He tells her shaking his head. "You're on drugs." He says. "No not for that. I want to feel your skin against mine." She tells him innocently. "It's warm." She says. That was genuinely all she wanted. To feel his warm skin against hers as he held her. He shook his head and laughed at her again. At her cuteness. "Lay down and go to sleep you weirdo." Bucky tells her.

She starts to pout again and shakes her head. "No." She says. "Aspen." Bucky says. "Lay down so you can go to sleep." Bucky tells her. "I just woke up and while I was asleep, bruce cut out one of my internal organs." Aspen protests, not wanting to go to sleep again. Bucky wasn't having it. He needed her to rest, rest would help her heal faster. "You're so dramatic." He tells her. "It was your appendix and it needed to be removed. Lay your ass down." Bucky tells her.