KILL THIS LOVE | JENLISA

Chapter 83

Jennie

At that very moment, the loud sound of thunder boomed outside, as lightning flashed in the dark sky, through the window. My breath hitched in my throat, as if. I shook my head acutely to answer no. That part of my life was a chapter I had long closed. I wasn't going back there. I couldn't go back there.

"That's all right. Is there something else on your mind you want to talk about?" Doctor Moon inquired softly.

I closed my eyes for a second, shaking my head, "There's nothing I want to talk about. I don't need this session.. or whatever this is." I surmised in a vexed manner. The doctor battled my distressed gaze with a tranquil one of her own.

"You were sent a butchered cat by an infamous serial killer. That is not something your mind can just repress that easily." She countered, "You saw a bloodied carcass Miss Kim, that has to have some kind of an effect on you. And we want you to work through that."

The tapping of my feet stopped still at that very moment. "Blood doesn't bother me." I announced feebly. I glanced at the window, just as another trellis of lightning rippled outside.

"Blood doesn't bother you?" Doctor Moon reiterated, an eyebrow raised.

I was not a strong girl, I'd always known that. I was as scared of spooky stories as I was of confrontational situations. Dauntless was therefore never a word I had ever associated with myself. But blood however, was a very different story.

I still remembered the grimace on every kid in my grade's face, as they discussed an R-rated movie about cannibals that children under the age of fifteen were too young to watch. The mere thought of such carnage had made the other children's skin crawl. Not mine though.

I couldn't quite understand why I didn't feel that level of disgust towards blood and gore like normal people. Growing older, I still could not figure out why I was so indifferent to gruesome sights in movies and newspapers. Perhaps this is why I thought I had a shot at potentially working with criminal psychology. I remained quiet in response to the doctor's clarification question.

"Can I please leave now? It's getting late." I urged in a thick voice.

Doctor Moon sighed, "You don't have to put up a front Miss Kim. This is the only place you can speak your truth without being questioned, I want you to take that opportunity."

The truth? Oh, that's right. The chopped up parts of the actual truth that the police thought they knew about. Would the good doctor continue to treat me with the same unconditional positive regard if she knew that I had harboured feelings and also had sex with a serial killer, who I also inadvertently helped escape from a psychiatric institution? Would Doctor Moon not go running to Sergeant Cha with what she had just discovered? The truth therefore, only exists in different versions of itself.

The plain clock that was hung on the wall ticked as the seconds went by, Doctor Moon still waiting expectantly for something, anything from me. But then again, the part of me that was terrified to my nerves was in no way concealed to anyone.

"She knows where I live." I blurted out quickly. The inner corners of my eyes began to moisten up, as I fluttered my eyes close.

"What you faced Miss Kim, was an incredibly frightening situation, but guess what? You're already handling it way better than most people."

If extreme paranoia and crippling anxiety is what Doctor Moon was talking about, then consider the situation handled. As the doctor went on about how strong and brave I was, I found my mind drifting under the heaviness of it all.

I wondered what Lisa could be doing right now. Stalking a prey? Looking for another sinister souvenir to send me? What does a killer exactly do in her free time?

"..So you should be immensely proud of yourself for th..."

"You know what's funny?" I interrupted Doctor Moon suddenly. She was positively taken aback for a second, before tilting her head as if to ask 'what?'.

"I don't even know who's going to kill me. Is it going to be Lisa, or maybe Liam? Do I get to pick?" I chuckled dryly.

Maybe I had finally lost my mind.