KILL THIS LOVE | JENLISA

Chapter 108

Jennie

"Jennie?" Hanbin looked down at my frame perplexedly.

"Is your roommate here?"

"Uh- no, he's not, I think he went..." He was cut off just as my lips met his own. At first he was caught off guard by the action, but then as realization of the predicament hit him, he found himself returning the kiss.

I had lost all sense of reality, putting all of her feelings into it, the movement of our lips together stopping time as if. But then, he slowly pulled away, gazing at me with sheer concern in his eyes, "Why are you doing this?"

I opened my eyes, peering up at him meekly, "What do you mean, you don't want this?"

He tilted his head, "I know we've been seeing each other for a bit, but you've never wanted to kiss me before, and it's all good. I don't want you to hurry into something you're not okay with."

"Oh my God, If... if you don't want to, then I'll go, I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking." my face was on fire.

A quirk in Hanbin's lips lifted into a sultry smirk, "But damn Jennie Kim, I'd be lying if I said I haven't wanted this for the longest time." He gripped my hands gently, pulling me into his room. His lips connected with mine again, this time a sense of voraciousness in his touch. One of his hands was cupping my face, the other one pushed the door close behind me.

It was when his hands started sliding around my back, digging over the surface of my coat, when my breath hitched in my throat. It was then when I paused and looked into his eyes, I thought I saw Lisa.

"What's wrong?" Hanbin asked in a concerned manner. "Are you having second thoughts, Jennie?"

At this moment, I could completely comprehend what was happening. I was planning to have sex with Hanbin and it wasn't coitus from my biology textbooks, it wasn't love-making from a cheesy rom-com, it wasn't the intense passionate night that I had with Lisa.

This was going to be out of rage, my bottled up anger and years of sheltered living erupting into a realm of pleasure and endless possibilities. Before all of this could make proper sense to me, I realised that we had moved from near the door to me now standing against Hanbin's bed frame.

With one swift movement, I fell onto the soft material of his duvet, him entangled with my body like vines on a blooming flower. MY coat was off, flung onto the side like nothing. As his fingers gripped the material of my sweater, hiking it up over my stomach, an involuntary squeal left my mouth.

My worst fears were going to be realized. He's going to see the scars and be disgusted, I thought to myself.

"Are you okay? Did I do something?" He looked at me, his bronze face glistening under the dim lights of his room. My heart was beating rapidly, but I chose to shake her head - no. Even though his hands wavered after my reaction, he nevertheless proceeded to peel off the garment. His eyes raked over my body, and I briefly winced.

"You're beautiful." He mumbled, continuing to plant kisses along my décolletage. A smile came onto my lips, my eyes glassing up. He then took off his own sweatshirt, revealing his bare chest to me. A little part of me was living in the moment. It was happy to have the beautiful man's whole attention, a man who despite my scars, thought I was beautiful.

But then there was a part of me that was entirely overwhelmed by the fact that I was going to have sex on a whim. That I was going to do this intimate act with someone else other than Lisa. A part of me secretly hoped that Hanbin would ask me if I'm ok with it again.

As his hands neared my jeans and fiddled with the button, I closed my eyes again. When I opened them again, my glassy eyes saw Lisa again. I shoved Hanbin and that made him stopped what he was doing.

"Hey, it's ok. We don't have to do this if you don't want to, Jennie." He assured me again. I nodded my head and all I mutter out was a whisper of apology for stringing him along. I had already lost my virginity to Lisa, so I had no idea what was it that was still stopping me from having sex with Hanbin. What else do I have to lose? Myself? My sanity? My chance with Lisa? I scoffed as that last thought flashed in my mind.

I must be out of my head, here I am, in the arms of someone who is normal and decent, yet I was thinking of having a chance with a deranged serial killer. Whatever it was that was happening to my mind, I knew that I was no longer in control of it. It was as though Lisa had all of it.

And all of me.