Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 18- London

***Matty's POV***

"It's not at all possible that we can reconcile?" I'm asking her, I want to tell her everything.

My mum got married while Taylor was in Australia with Jay. I sat with an empty seat next to me until my aunt took pity on me and sent my cousin to sit with me so I didn't look so lonely. I took Taylor's name plate which was placed neatly on the table next to mine for the after party and burnt it with my lighter outside. I sat with Kim who asked me continuously what the plan was, how I was going to get her back and when she could see her again.

I preordered our meal for the wedding, I had ordered her favourite pasta and a chocolate brownie. Far from the caviar and champagne that other guests received. It sat there as a continuous taunt that she was absent from my life. I binned it and tried to call her in the bathroom but it went straight to voicemail. So I settled my thoughts on whiskey and tequila instead.

During the time that mum got married Taylor got engaged to the man that I despise. I sat on the four poster king size in the hotel that I had booked for us after the wedding and scrolled through social media to see pictures of her in Sydney with Jay. A rock on her finger at the Sydney opera house. His arms cupping her waist and her beautiful smile. Looking happier than ever, together.
It's not possible that he is a different person to who he was before. It's just not possible. He goes through women, he doesn't keep them. This thing with Taylor is just in spite of me, it's my final lesson from him, not to drop the ball. Not to let any guy have a chance with your girl.

"Matthew" she says softly looking up from her coffee cup. We're on campus I met her after dance and she agreed to talk. I must not lose my cool, I will not cry or shout, and I will not bring up our miscarriage.
She pushes her hair back and it's longer, grown out down to her ribs, I remind myself to look up at her face. I can't look into her eyes as they remind me of all of the mornings that we spent together, gazing into each others souls. Her blushed cheeks remind me of when I used to make her laugh, and her pink lips remind me of kissing her and feeling her want me back.

I gaze into her eyes now unleashing the full power of my green eyes on her, it used to work. Something from the way she looks back at me tells me I'm going to need more than my eyes to win her back over.

"Matthew, how have you been? What's been happening" she asks gazing back into my eyes. So frustrating, I want her to fall back in love with me. I want to take her away from here and never let her go.

"I'm great yeah Tay." I say instead and smile looking down at my tea. I push my sleeves up and settle my eyes back on her.

"I ugh yeah. My mum she got married. They had the wedding during the break" I say looking at her and her smile spreads across her face.

"Amazing, how was it" she smiles and reaches her hands forward.

Awful Taylor, just awful as you were not there.
"It was wonderful and I am very happy for her" I say instead.

So now we're small talking. I'm small talking with the girl that I used to make love too. She sweeps her hair back and I gaze at her neck just briefly, feeling lost and unable to help myself. She clears her throat and smiles. The smile that says it's okay, not the smile that says please take me now and pleasure me until I cry out your name.

How I've missed that smile. The look of utter devotion, the look of need and want for me. Now she looks at him in that way.

"I'm going to come out with it" I say and she looks up surprised. No more messing with Taylor, straight to the point.