Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 58- cry

Taylor's POV

The light filtering through shines in my eyes and I squint making out the window. The strong sun which is the culprit of my temporary blindness invades the room. I roll over, annoyed and not wanting to leave the warmth of the bed. No more sun to blind me.

"Mmm" Jay smiles his arms hooking around me. I snuggle into him, his hands going under my bump.

"I think I just felt something" I say stunned.

Jay's eyes full of worry flit down checking on us. When he looks back up at me I see both excitement and panic in his eyes.

"Taylor" he says.

"Your waters." He explains.

I glance down at my large bump and smile. Of course you're ready, I'm so excited to meet you too. Jay leaves the room briefly I presume to collect our hospital bag.

"I'm so sorry Tay" a recognisable voice says, I glance up and see his dark curls. Almost olive skin and green eyes. Matthew James Henderson. My Matty, staring into my eyes with panic unease and utter devotion.

"It's been a while since you looked at me like that" I say bewildered, struck by the emotion in his gaze.

"We have to go to the hospital Taylor" he says as if he hadn't heard me. As if I'm not real.

"Now" he says urgently as I'm glancing down at bump. A pool of blood collecting by my feet, I wasn't bleeding before? Where is Jay?

"I love you more than anything" he says and I refocus on his green eyes.

"I will take care of you don't panic. It will be okay. I will love you forever no matter what okay" he smiles his gorgeous grin and his face disappears. Fading into my dreams.

I cling onto his smile but as it vanishes I begin waking up. Squinting seeing the electric hospital lights above me. The beeps of the monitor and the ventilator continuing to do its job at helping Matty breathe.

"Ugh" I say sitting up. This is not comfortable, bump agrees. I cross my legs on the reclined chair and rub my eyes, when I open them fully I catch Ross watching me and I begin to wonder whether he has slept at all.

"You better have had some rest" I say to him my head in my hands.

I glance over at Kim she's asleep, coping with the recliner chair far better than I am. Jay has turned away and is asleep too. He must be exhausted after moving everything today and so I rub his back slightly with my hands. He's fast asleep, and I grab the blanket and place it over him.

"Can't" Ross says withdrawn.

I stand up gently and check on Matty, he looks the same of course. And I just cry. Without knowing I'm going too, I just sob. I carefully stroke his face with my fingertips. Making sure I avoid all of the wires.

"I need him to be okay" I say softly.

"I know me too" Ross says and he crosses the room to hug me. An all encompassing Ross hug. I cry into his chest and he strokes my back lightly with his fingertips.

"It will all be okay" he says softly. And as I cry I just listen in to him, his soft breathing. Feeling his hand graze my back. I sigh trying to catch my own breath, trying to regulate the crying.

"Shh" he says in my ear, his lips just inches from me.

He holds his head against mine. The crying stops and I just rest.

"This is stupid, but how are you" I say softly.

"I'm here, I'm okay" he replies pulling his face back to assess me.

"I found him" he says after a short pause. I stroke his face with my fingertips wanting to erase the broken expression on his face, tears fall from his eyes and I wipe them away.

"I can't imagine, I'm so sorry" I say softly. His hands trace up my arms and everything in me tells me I need to push him away now. Give him some distance. But he's hurting, probably more than he has ever hurt before in his life. So I let him touch me. I let him be close to me because he needs it, I just pushed Matty away and it led to this and I'm not going to make that mistake twice.

I pull him in and he rests his head against mine again. Breathing softly into me, just holding on. His hands resting on my back.

"I'm sorry I need you so much right now" he says softly almost inaudibly.

"I'm usually so good at blocking out these feelings I have" he says and he nuzzles my neck.

"I can't I just need...I'm sorry" he says and I feel his tears on my neck.

I just remain still, not wanting to lead him on further but not wanting to push him away. He softly kisses my neck, just soft kisses through his tears. His hands and arms pulling me in.

I crane my head and catch his kisses on my mouth. He's shocked and I feel his apprehension, his inner battle of whether this is right or not. He loses the battle and his restraint as he kisses me back wholeheartedly hands going through my hair. Lips pulling me in, and I drown in the intensity of the kiss.

"I love you" he says desperately.
"Don't ever leave me" he pleads whispering.

I hold my lips still and he kisses me again, soft kisses grazing my lips. I take a tiny step back. Before anything escalates further.

"I'm sorry" he says rubbing his eyes.

"I won't ever leave you" I say rubbing his arm.

The monitor and its steady beats start to slowly increase. I turn to the machine concerned. Matty lets out a groan and I'm at his side right away. He begins shaking and I press the alarm for the nurse however they are already here. Storming in the room and speaking to each other urgently.

Jay is awake and by my side as we watch Matty be defibrillated before our very eyes. Kim is crying, I feel the tears stream down my own cheeks. I'm crying out but I'm not in control, Jay holds onto me.

"Clear" one doctor says and the beeps resume back to their steady pace.

I listen to the doctor explain to Kim; that it was a seizure as Jay holds onto me. I look over Jays shoulder at Ross watching me, pain in his eyes. I close mine and cry. Wanting this night to end.