Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 100- Matthew

I text Matty. Yes, I actually text him. It's bizarre and it feels mad but I need to vocalise a few things.

Meet me? Coffee shop. I put and I click send. I stare ahead for a second wondering. I don't expect him to text me back straight away although he does.

See you in ten he replies. I begin to make my way there. Feeling nervous, I take in a deep breath of fresh air and hold my head high. Entering the coffee shop I order him a coffee and myself some hot chocolate.

I sit at our spot, he will know where to go. Not long after I've sat down he strides through the doorway. Scanning the crowd, spotting me his eyes soften and he heads to my table. Wearing a white crew shirt, jeans and vans he sits down opposite me.

He makes eye contact and his green eyes are searching mine. He's curious, this has caught him off guard.

"'Matthew" I say and he watches me.

"You okay" he asks concerned eyes looking into mine.

"I'm okay, I just wanted to talk because... ugh" I say frustrated with myself.

"I just wanted to tell you" I begin and then put my head in my hands.

He smirks.

"I've got all day don't worry" he laughs.

"Remember we chatted ages ago, at yours, we had a spliff and I told you every bad thing I did while we were together. I never thanked you for your forgiveness and empathy. I am so happy that I get to keep you in my life" I say and this is coming out a mess.

He just looks at me like I'm crazy.

"Of course Tay" he says softly.

Deep breaths, I tell myself. Just spit it out.
"And I wanted to tell you alone, because of who we were together, and who we still are essentially that I'm getting married in a few weeks. Nobody else knows yet but you" I say and look at him.

His eyes darken a little and he sips his coffee.

"Is it what you want Taylor" he asks me.

"Yes, I'm getting married, and you are invited. You and Jay were friends and I don't want to ruin anything. I would love to have you there, truly I would. But I would also totally understand if you refuse the invitation." I say softly.

I let it hang in the air. He looks at me like I just ripped his heart out. Like I'm holding it in my hands and sticking pins into it.

"You want to be his wife?" he asks me again, softly.

"I love him." I say.

"I didn't ask you that, is this what you want?" he asks and he grasps my hands across the table.

"It's not too late. I can look after you Taylor, I love you. I know you're engaged but that's easily changed, I would give everything to have you" he says earnestly.

"I'm pregnant and engaged" I say.

"And I would still do anything for you." He replies releasing my hands.

"It wasn't my intention to bring up stuff. I didn't want you to hear from everybody else. And I didn't want to send a generic invitation either. Matty you mean so much to me. I will always care for you and love you even." I say softly, reminding myself that he's not long been out of hospital.

"How can you love me and still be with him" he asks forwardly. I blanch slightly but recover leaning to grasp his hands again. He pulls them away.

"Me marrying him was always on the agenda though. Since he became my fiancée" I say.