Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 40- intertwined

Taylor's POV

As I gaze into the mirror I cannot help but to turn to the side just to see if I can notice any differences or anything at all physical that shows I am pregnant.

I am.
I am pregnant. I tell myself over and over.

I place my hand over my tummy. Close my eyes and breathe. I'm elated, beyond belief. I just need to believe that this one will be fine. I speak to my little bump in my head. Words of reassurance and love.

Opening my eyes I glance into the mirror and decide to reply to Matthew. I pull my phone from the side and open up his message. I begin typing sitting on the closed toilet seat.

Matthew,
I know you want this, there would have been a time when I would have seized every single chance I could to do this with you. To hold your hand and leave with you.

I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I wasn't honourable and good to you during the fallout of our relationship. I understand now that I ran from you and left you to just deal on your own.

That was not fair.
I should have loved you more.

I know that you deserve more than that. More than me. So please seize this opportunity without me.
Taylor

No kisses. Send.
I think that's fair. I place my phone back into Jays hoody that I'm wearing. I head out of the bathroom, cross the hall and enter our bedroom.

When Jay makes love to me tonight it's all together a new experience. He remains on top looking into my eyes. He's hyper aware of the pregnancy and he makes a point of kissing my tummy afterwards.

With him as my big spoon, and his hands firmly around my waist I drift off to sleep. After all, hiking a mountain pregnant is an exhausting experience.

***

"Taylor the baby it's" Jays voice is saying to me. Urgent tone of voice, commanding me to take this seriously. He never does that it must be something, I look down.

There's my bump and I sigh a large breath of relief. Perfect little bump. I keep it safe.

I glance up at his expression, worry over shadowing his eyes. What is the problem ?

"Are you okay" he demands.

Am I okay? He's worrying me.

"Do you feel anything? Are you okay ?" He repeats.

I begin to cry, feeling a swirl of anticipation come over me. I feel hot, nervous.

"I feel fine" I say.
"I..." I begin stuttering feeling a jolt near my tummy.

I glance down in shock expecting it to just be the little baby moving and I notice stains all over my clothes.

I feel a pain, sharp and searing.

I connect all of the dots in my confused brain and realise I am not okay, bump is not okay and when I look up Jay is packing lots of things. Except where are we ?

Not the lodge, not the lake house or even the new house. I push the thought away defiantly and attempt to make sense of what is happening.

"We need to go now" Jay says bending down in front of me. I glance down at his hands and see a watch, but he doesn't wear one usually.

I check out his eyes for a second, usually full blue eyes of hope now replaced with worry and sadness. And an erratic sense of panic. Except the usual blue that I have come to expect when looking at him isn't there at all, his eyes are green. Forest green, almost brown.

I blink expecting to find his familiar face and blue eyes looking back at me only when I open my eyes the first thing I notice is the brown curls and the green eyes looking back into my own.

"Matthew" I sigh and I am pulled from the scene.

***

It is still dark. I take a mental note of everything in the room that I recognise. The dresser, the log fire and the small window drawn with dark curtains. I am at the lodge.
Finally I glance down at the hands around me and recognise them to be Jays straight away. I snuggle into him breathing in and out. Calming myself.

I feel him pull me in and I turn to face him.
"I need to pee" I say surprised by how urgent that need is.

He chuckles and I savour the sound of him.

I flee to the bathroom. I make it in time and pull my phone out.

Matthew has messaged me back and I decide whether I want to sleep tonight or read his message. That nightmare was lucid and felt real.

I sigh and open it up.

Taylor, my future is about seizing these opportunities with you.
Those things are intertwined for me.

Your love was perfect, it is everything that I could ever want and desire.

Matthew

I close the message and wash up. I need to make it up to him, I need to make it right between us before he does leave. I stumble back over to the bed and crawl in next to Jay.

He shifts closer to me and I welcome his warmth and comfort. With his arms securely around me I drift into a dreamless sleep.