Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 80- are you serious

"How long have you and Jay known each other" he asks me as we exit the dance block. I look at him and decide actually this may be a good start. Acceptance of my relationship to Jay is the first step to him not crushing on me.

"We've known each other for almost three years" I say.

"Hmm" he replies.

"And you've been engaged for..." he says.

"A couple months" I say.

"And you've been together for how long" he asks.

"We were together before we went together" I say and I smile. We're walking through the field back to the main university. The field where myself and Jay used to meet up for privacy. Where he would steal moments with me and kiss me so that nobody else could see.

"What does that mean" he says turning to look at me.

"I was with Matthew. And I met Jay. He came along all perfect and I hated him for a while. Long story short Jay was there for me through all of this stuff and after a while I found it inescapable" I say admiring the moon in the distance.

"Matthew's the other blonde guy?" He questions.

"No that's Ross. Matthew is the brunette guy" I say.

"I was with Matthew and we got pregnant. I thought he was it for me." I say almost too myself.

"I shouldn't be telling you this" I say looking over at him in the moonlight.

"I like hearing you talk" he says softly. I smile at him wishing he didn't just tell me that.

"I miscarried Matthew's child. He was super good with me, caring but we grieved so much. I didn't tell anybody, at all. But Jay was there. Even without realising he was there and he helped me through a lot. I left Matthew because I told Jay I loved him later that year. It just came out. We got so close and me and Matthew were just falling apart. So I stayed with Ross for a while. Away from both of them. That didn't work either" I say a frown forming on my lips.

"Ross is in love with you" he says as if it just clicked in his head.

"I met Ross first, I got close to him before Matthew and then well you know" I say glancing at him.

"I ruined that friendship too" I say looking away.

"It doesn't look ruined to me" he says.

"I slept with him, multiple times. Literally climbed in his bed. Asked him to fuck me and he did." I say.

"I was lost. And I just knew he loved me so I took him" I say.

"Taylor, you are being so harsh on yourself. You gave Ross your body. So what I'm sure he enjoyed it and knew the deal" he smirks.

I almost slap him, but part of me just loves how he makes everything feel light hearted and easy.

"I'm sorry" he says honestly.

"For your miscarriage, I'm truly sorry" he says earnestly and I nod.

We reach the opening of the trees, the university campus is visible in the distance. I see Jay walking towards us with Matty, Ross and Rach. I smile at him hoping he can sense my excitement to see him. How I cling onto my belly whenever he is close by.

"Jacob" Rach squeals and I wonder where Nate has gotten to.

"Hi, there" he says grin on his face.

I walk straight into Jays arms and hug him. My hands running up his back and into his hair.

"I missed you" I say and he smiles.

"I missed you" he replies.

"Oh lord" Rachel says exasperated.