Adore me- the fourth novel

Chapter 36 - down up down

Jays POV

"Fingers need to be closer to the fret" Taylor is saying to me. Her face a glow with the firelight. She smiles and I live for that expression. 

"Better" she remarks as I'm strumming a chord.

"Now just keep strumming up and down on the beat" she says touching my hand slightly to help me along. I imagine her with the kids we will have one day and how she possesses just the right amount of authority and patience to teach them anything.

"1 and 2 and 3 and..." she whispers in my ear.

"Down, up, down" that's all it is.

Taylor begins humming along resting slightly against me. Her phone glows and she ignores it for a minute. She huffs and then grasps it. Opening it up to a wallpaper of us smiling in Australia.

I see he's messaged her and instantly it's like my blood starts boiling up.

"Matty" she says and I hate hearing her say his name. It's like he has to intrude on our relationship by just existing.

She opens up the message and boy is it an essay. I keep quiet for now, I cannot become the problem. I didn't like him before out of pure jealousy but now my feelings for him have intensified. The more he buts in the more I hate him. My possessiveness for her clouds my sense and I can't see the situation for what it is. Jay be cool I tell myself, she's wearing your ring not his.

"He's going to London" she blurts out. And I must admit I'm taken aback. A flicker of happiness surges through me. He will be gone.

"He's going to London at the end of term for a scholarship. He asked me to go with him" she says and my heart freezes. What is she doing to me?

She turns to face me. Seeing the shock in my face she smiles at me to reassure me. I put the guitar down before I drop it. She's leaving me ? I have visions of her handing me back my ring. Visions of her holding his hand by the London eye, smiling and kissing him. My stomach is in knots. It feels as though I'm looking at her, and I'm not here. I'm in some nightmare, my worst fear. The rejection of the women I love, the times I've convinced myself that no women would ever be able to make me feel this way. To have complete power over my emotions, it's why I keep everyone at a distance.

She strokes my hair away from my forehead. I'm looking up to see her soft expression. I don't want her to leave me.
"He saw our picture on social media, and this is his like last attempt or whatever." She says to clarify.

I need to speak or say something.
"Last attempt as in he's asked you before" I say softly. I have to know.

"He spoke with me at university. He asked to just catch up and he told me then. He told me he wanted me to go with him and I told him that I was with you" she explains.

"Jay" she says softly and I'm aware of where I am again. I feel the heat of the fire and it feels comforting again rather than oppressive.

"Jay" she says again wiping at my eyes. I'm actually crying in front of a women, and my sense of pride surges through me telling me to stop.

"What do you want to do" I ask her, I don't know how I found my voice or where I plucked the words from. My go to gut instinct reaction to this situation would be to become defensive and tell her I didn't care what she did. But with Taylor it's different. I want her to be happy even if I am in hell.

"I love you, not him. I wouldn't ever leave" she says softly. She takes my chin in her hands and kisses me softly at first. My hands come back to life and they're in her hair.

"I love you, shit you fucking scared the life out of me" I whisper in between kissing her.

She moans and climbs on top of me straddling me.

"I love you" she says whilst kissing me.

Before I know it instinctually I am inside of her again and she is grinding into me. I hold her in close as we find our completion together. I'm kissing her shoulders and her collar bone, playing with her hair and intertwining it within my fingers.

"I love you" I say quietly and I stroke her waist.

"Me too" she smiles.

Without another word about Matty and London we get our sleeping bag ready and climb in next to each other leaving the fire to die.

"How can I possibly sleep" she says looking into my eyes. I have her close into my body arms encircling her.

I laugh a little, stroke her hair and then start humming. Her eyes flutter and I know that I can get her to sleep with no problem.

"Your humming sounds like home" she says half asleep.

I chuckle again and then continue with another song.
My wife who will have my children. I gaze at her sleeping and vow to protect our relationship at all costs.

Matthew is a pain, but he will be going off to London. I may just have to have a word with him before he does.