In The Shadow of Our Choices

Chapter 68 - The Blurred Truth

Elizabeth

"Remember? REMEMBER? I never forgot, Sebastian," Elizabeth's voice was raw with emotion. "You took advantage of my torture - How could you?"

"I -"

"You dug your Goddamned fingers into my mind the first chance you got." Elizabeth plowed through his protest. "'No one else will have you' - That's what you decided to tell me when I was barely holding it together? And you lied to me, on so many things. Mary? Saving me?"

"You -"

"No, even when I remembered you continued to lie, you THREATENED me. You let me murder people, you barely tried to stop me. You taught me more curses. There's not a bloody thing in the ENTIRE WORLD -"

Pain shot through her chest as she raised her voice, and her sudden reaction to that pain made her stomach twist in agony as well. Her words caught in her throat and she sagged against the divider she held to keep herself upright. Sebastian's arms half caught her, and he held her gingerly.

"Sit, Elizabeth," Sebastian said quietly, pleadingly.

He didn't give her much choice, half lifting her onto the nearest bed. The roiling pain didn't subside and her vision swam. She felt her fingers digging into her side, as though she could dig out the pain. As she tried to steady her breathing, she focused on Sebastian. He crouched in front of her, eyes wide with concern, hands hovering as if afraid to touch her.

"Curses," he muttered half under his breath. "It's always curses." Then louder, he asked, "Do you want me to go find Blainey?"

She glared at him, unable to muster up the breath for words while her teeth gritted against the pain. He shifted onto his knees, dropping his eyes from her gaze. In the cold, grey darkness of early morning, framed against the stone floor, he looked the very image of repentance, kneeling before her. But was he only sorry that he'd been caught? She felt betrayed, hurt, and disgusted by his actions, but his expression showed genuine concern, and Elizabeth's heart wavered. He was not solely at fault, they were her actions too, and she was letting her frustration with herself turn into blame she placed on him.

"Don't bother," she said through gritted teeth, pain still pulsating through her body. "I know better than to believe a single word out of your mouth." He looked up at her in alarm, and she saw the hurt in his eyes. "I am responsible for my actions, but... the way you... responded to those actions... I can't trust you."

It felt like it was getting harder and harder to speak, and Elizabeth didn't know if it was from the knot in her throat or from the pain. She wanted to recount everything that had happened since they'd been kidnapped, find the truth, make him see. Sebastian opened his mouth, then his shoulders slumped, and his gaze dropped back to the floor. She blinked at him in surprise. No rage? No words at all? Angry, tired, and disconcerted, Elizabeth slid off the bed, stumbling to her feet. In a flash, Sebastian was standing as well, looking as though he would try and stop her.

"Don't touch me," Elizabeth hissed at him.

Holding onto the bed frames, she made her way back towards her own bed. Sebastian hovered nearby, ready to help her. She glared at him, but he remained undeterred. Elizabeth couldn't help but wonder what his game was. No arguments, no word twisting, nothing. Just this meek compliance that was so unlike him. Once she made it to her bed, Sebastian disappeared, and she heard him rapping on Nurse Blainey's door.

Nurse Blainey had been most displeased that Elizabeth had gotten up, scolding her and insisting she stay in bed. Elizabeth was perfectly happy to comply, nestling herself down into her blankets, pushing away her anger at Sebastian and sorting through her memories. Each one felt clear, and she could remember what she had done, and why, but there was a confusing feeling of disconnect which was complicated by her own disgust at her actions. She had not only slipped back into her old ways, but had gone farther, using curses she should never have touched.