In The Shadow of Our Choices

Chapter 57 - Missing and Maudlin

CONTENT WARNING:
Unhealthy Alcohol use

A/N:
The beginning of this chapter contains a scene that should have been at the end of Chapter 55, but I wasn't feeling up to writing it that day, then I forgot to add it to the beginning of Chapter 56 like I had planned. My apologies

Elizabeth had a lot on her mind for it being the first day of classes. She was still turning over her conversation with Mary in her mind. Mary didn't remember anything that had happened, and this perplexed Elizabeth. She had been conscious whenever Elizabeth had seen her, so she should have some recollection of what had happened. The only thing Elizabeth could think was that her mind had simply suppressed the memories, but there hadn't been any hint of the trauma Elizabeth would have expected in Mary's eyes when they'd discussed what had happened. Mary seemed her usual, cheerful self - no half-haunted stare, no shudder of half remembered pain, nothing. She'd only chewed her lip in consternation as Elizabeth had filled her in on what she remembered. Elizabeth simply couldn't puzzle it out.

"Is this Mary?" Elizabeth asked bluntly.

Sebastian glanced at Ominis, then back to Elizabeth.

"Yes, it is?" he said, "Lizzie, did you drag her all the way here just to ask that?"

Elizabeth ignored him, pulling Mary back in for another hug. She didn't ever want to let go again. She held onto her tightly, her tears mixing with a sense of overwhelming relief. To have her friend back from the dead was an immense weight had been lifted off her shoulders - it was an unthinkable blessing. Elizabeth's mind raced with a jumble of thoughts and sensations. Gratitude for having Mary back in her life, anger at the torment her own mind had put her through, and a deep longing to hold onto this moment of clarity and connection. Though she couldn't help but mourn the time lost, the moments she had believed Mary was gone forever. As Elizabeth finally pulled away from the embrace, her gaze locked with Mary's.

"I'm so sorry," Elizabeth whispered, "I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that... because of me."

Mary glanced away from her, towards the boys, before looking back, her eyes tinged with an odd sadness.

"I don't remember any of it," Mary said softly, "Except when they took me from the orphanage."

"But," Elizabeth said, searching Mary's face. "You weren't surprised when we apparated?"

"Ominis told me everything," Mary said, looking suddenly sheepish. "About magic, and what he knew of what happened. Thank you, for... saving me."

"Lizzie?" Sebastian said, interrupting.

Elizabeth glared at him. He had let her believe that Mary was dead for so long. He was supposed to be her touchstone, and he'd let her believe her best friend was dead. At least Ominis had told her the truth.

"Mary," Elizabeth said before Sebastian could say more. "Let's talk more outside, alone. I'll fill you in on that night."

And she did. She told Mary of being outnumbered, of thinking Sebastian had gotten her to safety. Though she skated over her own torture, not wanting to recall the pain.

"I thought I would die there," she whispered, and Mary squeezed her hand. "But I was okay with that, thinking you were safe. And then... they brought you in, and you looked so scared." Elizabeth's eyes raked Mary's, searching for any recollection of the event, any light of remembrance, but there was nothing. "They... tortured you too. And... I thought I saw you... die." Her voice broke on the word, and Mary pulled her in for a hug.