In The Shadow of Our Choices

Chapter 51 - Breaking Boundaries

Sebastian

Lizzie picked her way through the rubble, turning over bodies, checking for Rookwood. She seemed utterly unphased by the carnage that surrounded them. Sebastian, on the other hand, couldn't do much more than lean against the remnants of the wall behind them, eventually sliding down to the ground to give his aching body a rest when the high from the fight wore off. His whole body felt simultaneously like it was on fire and completely numb. He could see bruises spreading across the skin of his arms from broken blood vessels.

Sebastian's head spun as an unexpected wave of guilt washed over him - he suddenly comprehended the magnitude of the pain he had inflicted upon Lizzie back in their fifth year, when they'd been trapped in the scriptorium. The intensity of the curse, the sheer agony it must have caused her, had never fully registered in his mind until now. He had dismissed her pain back then, but in this moment, with his body still throbbing from the effects of the curse he had just endured, he finally understood.

"I'm sorry," Sebastian said, surprised both that he had said it, and that his voice sounded so raw. "For casting the Cruciatus Curse on you."

Lizzie looked up, startled, and released the Ashwinder she was moving as she straightened to look at him.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"Back in the Scriptorium," he said, "And in Hogsmeade. I never realized... that it was so horrible."

She waved her hand dismissively, turning back to her grizzly work.

"Don't worry about it. The scriptorium was years ago, and in Hogsmeade you were under the Imperius curse."

Sebastian's stomach churned with a strange mix of surprise, confusion, and frustration as Lizzie brushed off his apology. His mind struggled to process the conflicting emotions bubbling within him, the unexpected remorse tugging at his conscience. It was an unfamiliar sensation, yet, the undeniable pain coursing through his body reminded him of the torment he had inflicted on her.

"No, Lizzie," he said, struggling to sit up a little straighter. "I mean it. I can't believe you're even still talking to me after I willingly cast that spell on you. I was so incredibly wrong."

Lizzie paused once more, looking at him with narrowed, suspicious eyes. He was quiet, watching as she made her way back to him through the battlefield. She crouched down in front of him, her eyes scanning his face before warily meeting his. Wincing, he shifted uncomfortably under her scrutiny.

"I never thought I would hear those words from you, Sebastian," she said, her voice quiet and cautious.

Sebastian reached out to cup her face, gritting his teeth against the pain that shot up his arm at the contact. He ran his thumb across the scar on her cheek from that night.

"I'm so sorry, Lizzie," he said again, unable to think of anything else as he stared at her.

Her face softened, and she gave him a gentle smile. However, she pulled away from his hand, leaving his heart aching more than his body.

"Don't push yourself," she said, "I know it hurts."

"Oh Merlin," he gasped, realization dawning on him. "Rookwood - Selina - how... how many times did she cast it on you?"

Lizzie's smile turned rueful. "I lost count."

The weight of Lizzie's smile and her response hit him like a physical blow, and a new mixture of emotions welled up within Sebastian - horror, anger, and an overwhelming desire to shield Lizzie from any further harm. He couldn't bear the thought of her enduring the Cruciatus Curse repeatedly, the same curse he had cast on her in the scriptorium years ago, the same curse that had just sent him to his knees. His heart ached for the pain she had endured, for the scars etched not only on her flesh but also on her spirit.