In The Shadow of Our Choices

Chapter 81 - Bitter Sweets

Elizabeth

Monday afternoon's Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson was on the much anticipated topic of the Unforgivable Curses. Elizabeth arrived early, waiting outside the room for the current class of fourth years to be dismissed, not because she was excited, but because she was dreading this lesson. She had spent her free period after lunch in the library, anxiously staring off into space and accomplishing nothing. It wasn't herself she was so concerned with, no - it was Sebastian. Ominis had chosen to speak with Professor Hecat and had been excused from the class, but Sebastian had stubbornly refused to, worried how it would look, so Elizabeth had decided to forgo being excused as well.

Because she had arrived so early, Elizabeth was one of the first in the room after the fourth years headed off for their next class and found a seat near the back. Sebastian didn't arrive until much later as he, as well as a number of other seventh years, had Potions in the dungeons the period before. She waved him over as he entered, seeing his usually tired appearance was exacerbated by shoulders hunched against the weight of the upcoming lesson. He flashed her a rather forced smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"Hey," he said quietly as he took a seat next to her. "Ready for this?"

"As ready as I can be," she whispered back. "What about you? Are you okay?"

"No," Sebastian said bluntly, then looked at his hands folded on his textbook and continued so quietly she could barely hear him. "Since last night, all I can think about is... everything I've done. I wish I could go back in time and change things." He glanced up at her with somber eyes. "I'm sorry."

Before he could say more, Andrew slid into a seat at the table behind them, and Sebastian stiffened. Elizabeth reached out to give his hand a reassuring squeeze but he pulled it away before she could. She sighed as he tried to play off the movement by running his hand through his hair.

When Professor Hecat finally stood, calling the class to order, Elizabeth found it easier to watch Sebastian than to listen to the lesson. None of it was anything she didn't already know - there were three Unforgivable Curses, they were illegal to use on humans, they weren't able to be blocked, and use of any of the Curses on another human being earned the caster a lifetime in Azkaban. Elizabeth's stomach churned at the last, thinking of Selina Rookwood and the dozen other Ashwinders she'd struck down with the killing curse. And yet... She glanced at Sebastian. His face was unreadable, looking as though it was set in stone, but his hands' casual grip on his quill and parchment was white-knuckled. She'd never had the experience of someone threatening to turn her in.

As the lesson turned to more detail, Elizabeth found herself staring at her desk and trying her best not to listen as Hecat described the effects of the Cruciatus Curse. She knew how it felt vividly enough for herself. When Hecat explained that the intent required was to cause pain purely for the sake of causing pain - that no substitute desire for revenge or desperation would suffice - she started as Sebastian's hand found hers, mirroring her earlier attempted gesture. Elizabeth glanced at him, and though his face was still utterly impartial, she could see a host of emotions swirling behind his eyes.

The Imperius Curse wasn't one that Elizabeth had any experience with either way, but Elizabeth's gaze slid to Sebastian again. He'd not only used and taken a life with it, but also been subjected to it by Marvolo. Now, his jaw was clenched so tightly Elizabeth worried he'd break his teeth. She pulled her hand away, startling him so he pulled his eyes from Hecat and gave her a concerned look. Elizabeth only pointedly scrawled a note in a corner of her parchment.

You can leave if you need to.

He stared at the words for a long minute, then gave a minute shake of his head. Before she could write out a protest, he hesitantly opened his hand again, asking for hers back. Elizabeth obliged, intertwining her fingers with his.