You honestly couldn't believe you got up early in the morning for this, a shitty ad, you could've been sleeping in, but no, "goodness... Do I dislike them." You say bitterly, watching as an ad from the C.H.E.R.U.B company or whatever played, blitzø holding a loaded gun aiming it at the tv.
"Well, howdy! I'm Cletus! Welcome to Heaven! Guess you did somethin' good to get here, and good people deserve to give loved ones special blessin's!" Cletus, essentially the version of blitzø that wasn't fucked up.
Cletus was in a pair of overalls, and was kinda small, he had a pair of small wings. The Jingle to the ad starts, Cletus, Collin and keenie singing in synch, god you couldn't stand keenie. "Does it make you want to cry?" You recognized that voice easily, it was Collin, a purple or lilac sheep who was timid and.... Basically a step stool for keenie and Cletus.
"When your loved one has to die?" Keenie's voice chimes in as another horrific death happens. God has told them time and time again, only bless those good, and the annoying little shits were tossing blessings out the wazoo like they weren't breaking the number one rule.
"Does it hurt you through and through?" Cletus's voice chimes in right after as another horrible death happens on screen, "When your face is turnin' bluuuuue?" All three fly up onto the tv and you immediately shoot it, blasting the tv off the pedal stool.
"... Well, damn." Moxxie muttered watching as you reloaded the shotgun you had snatched out of blitzø's hands. "Another." You say. Re-aiming the gun as moxxie obliged setting another brown box tv onto the pedal stool. A Betty Boop cartoon played, Betty boop's breasts bouncing, "next." You say unimpressed cocking the gun. He changed the channel to a desperate ad, a tall imp dressed in white twirled a can, he had a slightly curly mustache.
"I say, I say, are you lookin' to get work making crazy contraptions and goofy gadgets?" The imp says his cane tapping against the papers that popped up behind him reading 'crazy contraptions' and 'goofy gadgets'.
"WELL, call me at Wacky Wally Wackford's Wacky Idea Factory," a billboard appears behind him reading 'factory'. "Where you make the things and I make the money!" He grabs the camera, "Please! I'm very desperate!"
"Bingo." You say shooting the tv as blitzø leaned against you, taking selfies with you, his tail curled around yours. Loona, who was sleeping at her desk feet up as the whole building shakes waking her up. "... Guys, do you feel that?"
"What's going on?" You ask confused looking at blitzø as he turns his phone off, wrapping an arm around you. "I think it's a hellshake."
"Is that even possible?" Moxxie said walking up behind you and blitzø, Millie comes up next to him grabbing his shoulders, "alright, don't panic moxxie!" She said hugging him to her chest.
Moxxie's tail stiffens, startled by Millie's sudden outburst, she grabs his arms in an attempt to calm him. "I'm not-" moxxie said flatly, holding his fingers up making a quoting sign, "panicking", because hellquakes aren't a thing." He says looking around. Loona grabs him roughly, shaking him her tail puffed up from panic, "STOP GETTING HYSTERICAL, FATTY!" she says slapping him in the face, knocking him back into the wall that crumbled down, a black ball, a mass of wires slowly came into view unraveling to reveal a sinner robot, something akin to that.
"Do not be afraid!" He says, his moustache more curly than Wally Wackford's moustache, blitzø sighs, exasperatedly asking "please tell me you got that insurance thing down." He says to moxxie who is trapped beneath the rubble. Millie immediately swings her black axe out, ready to attack at a moment's notice, "who the hell are you and what do you want?" She asks, glaring at the man.
The man uses his wires making a loop-de-loop before landing on his feet, " I am Loopty Goopty!" He says introducing himself in an overly eccentric way. "Dastardly inventor of all things loopy and loopiiiiiish!"
Loona frowned, no longer on the defense as she goes back to looking at her phone, saying in a vary dismissive tone, "coulda just used the door man, didn't need to be this whole thing." She said looking up at him for a moment. Loopty responds loudly, "I am eccentric and must therefore do eccentric SHIT!"
"Is it really necessary. You could've just used the door. It's right there." You say flatly gesturing to the door. Loopty ignores you as he does a wavy dance as blitzø leaned in giving him a sniff, nose scrunched up immediately as he reeled back.
"Ugh! This old fuck reeks of the living world. Did you just die?" He says looking at loopty, covering his nose. Loopty leans in causing you to recoil back from how fast he leaned in, "YEEEEES! Moments ago, in fact! Which is what brought me HEEEERE!"
Loona pipes up again, tapping on her phone, "we're just sayin'... The front door would've gotten you here fine." Loopty looks at her flatly, responding I'm his loud eccentric self, "Shut up, dear furry!" Causing loona to growl in anger and frustration.
"Look, just... Wait are you that guy that hired us?" You say, he immediately leans in close, "why yes! But I didn't exactly tell you all the details and where to find him!" You wince at his loud voice, "okay, okay." You say stepping back.
"Great!" He said handing you a photo of Lyle, his old friend had business partner before giving some sad? Maybe sad backstory. "You do realize if we kill him, and he ends up down here... You'll be stuck with him forever," blitzø reiterated to loopty, trying to get the point across that he'd be stuck with Lyle forever.
"Oh, believe me. I'm counting on it." He said stepping back as an array of weapons appeared from behind his back attached to wire like tentacles. "That's hot." Moxxie strained out from underneath the rubble giving loopty and thumbs up.
"... Should we-"
"Nah moxxie's fine." Blitzø waves dismissively, "right moxxie?" He says as loud gasps came from beneath the rubble, "y- yes..." He strained out.
Word count: 1'049
YOU ARE READING
Hooked (yandere hazbin hotel/helluva boss x angel reader) (Long Ass Break)
Fanficthis story is a requested one, like the others this one will be slow because I'm still slowly recovering and trying to make time for all my other books.
