A Gintama Fanfic

Kisa In Edo Land! (A Dream)

"How peculiar... My clothes are all ruffled after that fall. Yet I survived... Interesting..." "I'M LATE!" A white rabbit runs past Kisa, almost knocking her down. "Oh hey! That wasn't cool!" "Ah! I'm sorry, but I'm late and if I don't hurry now, Queen Ane-ue will be very cross with me." 🔹Why is this rabbit wearing glasses? Why is it talking...🔹 "Well maybe if you left earlier, you wouldn't be late." The rabbits eyes widen as he starts hopping around, "THATS RIGHT! I'm late! See you again one day!" The rabbit runs off and disappears from her sight. "How weird... No actually this whole place is weird.. Guess I'll just follow this trail.." Kisa walks along the trail for what seems like hours when she is stopped by two identical people. "Uhh who are you two?" "I'm Jii Dee." "And I'm Hata Dum." "Ehhhh okay then... I'll be leaving now.." "Wait!" "Wouldn't you like--" "To hear a story?" "Not really..." "Then please--" "Accept this-" "Cake as a--" "Gift from us." They hold out a cake and Kisa accepts it. "Thank you very much!" She takes a bite and her body suddenly starts to feel weird. "Wait what's happening? Why are you guys getting bigger?" "No, you see--" "You are getting smaller." Her eyes open wide as she starts yelling profanities at the two. They walk away laughing. "I'm as tiny as a damn flower! You bastards! Come back and fix me!!" There is no answer which pisses her off even more. "Nyaghhh!!! Why do I have to be small!!!" Kisa stomps down the trail and comes across a bunch of mushrooms. "Interesting... It's like an umbrella!! So cool!!" When she turns her head she sees a man sitting on a bunch of strawberries. She walks up to him and clears her throat, "Excuse me... Aren't you supposed to be a caterpillar?" "I am a caterpillar." "No you are clearly human.." "No I'm a naturally wavy haired caterpillar." "Those don't exist." "Then tell me Miss Smarty Pants, what the hell are you?" "I'm human." "Obviously not... You're probably a midget." Kisa climbs up the strawberries and pushes him off. "Agghh!! What the hell was that for?!" "I'm sorry, didn't you know? Midgets are very violent!" "Ow ow ow! Look I'll help you get back to normal size. But you have to answer my riddle." Kisa looks skeptical at first but agrees anyways. "Fine, lay it on me." "What loses its head in the morning but gets it back at night?" Kisa tears a piece of strawberry off and chucks it at him. "I am not answering a question like that!" "It's completely clean, I swear!" "Fine.... Is it a pillow?" "Ding ding ding! We got a winner! You see that strawberry on your left. If you eat a piece of that, you'll return to your normal size. But please do that off my strawberry pile." Kisa grabs a piece and jumps off the strawberries. The caterpillar climbs back onto his pile and relaxes. "This better work. If it doesn't, I'll crush you!" Kisa takes a bite of out the strawberry piece and starts to feel weird again. This time she grew and back to her regular height. "Yay! It worked thanks!" She looks at the caterpillar, who is now reading a JUMP. "Where the hell did you get a JUMP?" "Shouldn't you go and meet a cat or something?" Kisa shrugs and walks off. She arrives at an area where she could either go left or right. "Let's see, this sign says 'Go This Way' and this one says 'No Go This Way'.... WHAT KIND OF DIRECTIONS ARE THESE!?!?" "Well it depends on where you want to go-aru." "Aru? Who's there?" A girl with cat ears hangs upside down from a tree in front of Kisa. "Hello, I'm the Cheshire Kagura!" "Da Hell?! Are those ears real?!" "Yes they are! I'm a cat obviously!" "Okay, so where should I go?" "Well if you go right, you'll be hanging out with Queen Anego! Her favorite saying is 'Off With Their Heads!' But if you go left, you'll end up with the Mad Sadist, Mayonnaise Hare, and the Dormant Gorilla." "What kind of story is this? But I guess I'll be going left... I don't wanna lose my head anytime soon." "Well then you better hurry or else you'll be late for tea!" Kisa waves goodbye to the cat, "Thanks! See you soon." While she was walking she could hear noises up ahead. She opens up a gate and walks into a hectic mess. There was a table with plenty of chairs and there were tea cups and teapots everywhere. "Where the hell am I?" She sees the White Rabbit but instead of being in a rush, he was getting beaten up by a guy with bunny ears. "Nope I'm done here! I'll take my chances with the Queen." The moment she turns around she bumps into someone. "You're late for tea." He had a sadistic grin on his face as he grabbed her by the arms and dragged her to a chair. He sits her down and ties her to the chair. Her arms were still mobile. "Ummm can I go please?" "You can't. It's tea time, isn't that right, Mayonnaise Bastard." The Mayonnaise Hare stops beating up the White Rabbit and walks over to the one with the hat. "Oi, who the hell are you calling Mayonnaise Bastard, Sadist Prince?" 🔹I don't recall them being like this... What the hell is that?!🔹 The Mad Sadist follows her gaze and smiles, "That's the Dormant Gorilla." "I would believe that but he's awake rather than dormant..." "WHY WON'T OTAE-SAN ACCEPT MY LOVE!" "I don't even think he's drinking tea.. I believe he's drunk." "He's drunk off tea. Mayo Bastard get this midget some tea." He sneers at the Mad Sadist but gets the tea anyways. He places the cup in front of her. "What the hell is that... Is that mayonnaise!?" The Mayonnaise Hare smiles with satisfaction, "Only the best kind." "I am not drinking that. No way in hell will I ever drink that!" The Mad Sadist smirks and takes her by the chin, "Perhaps you want me to give it to you by mouth to mouth?" "Ah hell no! Would you seriously put that in your mouth! That's literally a cup full of mayonnaise!" While they were busy trying to force Kisa to drink mayonnaise, the White Rabbit is able to escape without being seen. "C'mon just one little sip, midget." "Kisa said no!" Somehow or another, Kisa is able to free herself from the chair. "Haha! Freedom!!! Take that suckas!" She jumps onto the table and makes a run for it. "Mayo Bastard don't let her escape!" They both run after her as she tries to escape. She uses the Dormant Gorilla's head as a stepping stone and jumps off the table. She makes it to the other gate and quickly rushes out. Using a rock, she quickly breaks the handle off the gate. "I am not going back there! I am done with this crap! I am going home." Kisa stomps off into the forest and about an hour later reaches a beautiful rose garden. "These flowers are so beautiful! I must have one!" She goes to pick one when someone stops her, "Wait don't do that! You'll get it all over your hands." "What all over my hands." "The blood of her majesty's enemies. The roses use to be white but when she started the beheading she used the blood to paint the flowers." "Okay you know what, I am officially done with this place!" Kisa runs off and ends up bumping into someone. "Son of a--- Oh hey it's the White Rabbit.. You okay? I saw that Mayonnaise Hare beat you up." "Yeah I'm okay..." "Why was he beating you up?" "I insulted his mayonnaise." "You poor rabbit... Wait we have to get out of here! Or do you want your head to be chopped off?" The White Rabbit shakes his head, "The Queen has a certain head that gets cut off. And I'm not talking about the one sitting on your shoulders." Kisa's stomach immediately drops and she begins to feel sick. "I was going to touch those flowers too... Can I go home now?" Suddenly a pretty woman walks up to them. "Shin-Chan did you make a new friend?" "Oh Queen Ane-ue! I did actually!" "What is your name, young lady?" "My name is Kisa. Pleasure to meet you!" "Nice to meet you too! So how do you like Edo Land?" "Why the hell is everything weird?" Suddenly everyone she met along her journey appears. The caterpillar walks up to her and smiles. "But that's the thing. You enjoy this weird world and all who inhabits it. Isn't that right, Kisa?" A big grin spreads across her face, "Yeah! I do enjoy it! More than that, I love it here!"