A Gintama Fanfic

Marriage Is Something Done Between Lovers

"Gin-San we have a client! Ah please come in and take a seat." A lady walks in and takes a seat on the couch. On the couch opposite of her, Kisa is laying down reading the newspaper. Gintoki and Kagura take a seat on her. "Oomph! Ugh, Gintoki switch spots with Kagura! You're to heavy to sit on my stomach!" "Fine fine." Kagura and Gintoki switch spots. Gintoki kicks his legs up on the table, "So what can we do for you?" "Well you see, I own little apartments and for some reason the young newlywed women are being attacked. About six women have been hospitalized!" Shinpachi comes out with some tea, "I'm sorry but why haven't you taken this to the Shinsengumi?" "I've tried! I was told it would be taken care of but it has yet to be taken care of!" Kisa laughs, "They're probably too busy still trying to catch Katsura." "So you want us to catch whoever is doing it?" "Yes that would be very appreciated." "How much are we getting paid?" Kisa pinches Gintoki's butt for asking a stupid question. "I promise to pay you quite handsomely! How does two hundred dollars sound?" "Hmm I don't know..." Kisa pinches Gintoki again. "Ow okay! We'll do it for two hundred!" The woman jumps up in joy and bows her head, "Thank you very much, Odd Jobs!" Gintoki stands up and rubs his butt. The lady gives the address to Shinpachi and leaves. "Gin-San why do you keep touching your butt?" "I have to make sure it's not bleeding! Kisa over there kept pinching it!" "He kept asking stupid questions." Kagura and Kisa high five each other. "Ay, you two lazy bums! Get up so we can go stop that attacker." "Yes sir!" An hour later they arrive at the little apartments. "Oh wow, it's really nice here! Why didn't we find my house here?" "Didn't you know, Kisa-San. These were still under construction when we went house hunting for you." "That sucks..." The lady spots them and walks over to them with a perplexed look on her face. "I'm glad you came! But it seems someone else has also arrived." As she says that, Hijikata walks out from behind her. "Why are you four here?!" "We got job, Mayonnaise Freak! Don't be coming to steal our job!" "Excuse me, it was our job first, Wavy Haired Idiot!" "Gin-San, please don't do anything unnecessary." "Unnecessary?! Their presence is unnecessary! Why are they even here? Six girls were already hospitalized and you still did nothing. Why help now?!" "We were trying to protect our home from unwanted terrorist!" Kagura starts to join in the fight, "Ha! How hard is it to catch that idiot?!" Kondo who appeared out of nowhere also joins in, "He's very slippery!" "Gin-Chan did you hear that? They think Katsura is slippery." "Ew, what are they doing grabbing him like that." "Gin-San, Kagura-Chan, they weren't talking about that." All five of them get into a heated argument until the lady breaks it up. "Now now, I'm pretty sure you can work together! This attacker only attacks newlyweds. So perhaps you can compromise that way. There are two girls and a good amount of men. Use your brains and figure it out." Gintoki stops and thinks for a minute, "It can't be the Mayonnaise Freak. He doesn't suit any of my daughters." "Why the hell are you acting like their dad!? Are we forgetting who you used for Kisa's fake date?!" "I don't mind doing it." "Shut up, Shinpachi! I'm not marrying you-aru! And neither is Kisa! Too plain!" "Who the hell are you calling too plain!" "We all need to stop fighting and come up with a solution!" Kagura and Shinpachi both punch Kondo, "It's not going to be you, Gorilla!" While they were fighting with each other, Kisa watched helplessly. That's when someone knocks her down and starts stepping on her. "Excuse me, old lady. But it seems you have a bug infestation." Kisa grabs Sougo's leg and lifts it off of her, giving her the chance to stand up. "Dammit! I swear if you keep knocking me onto the ground, I'll kill you!" "I'd like to see you try, doggy." Kisa and Sougo go back and forth poking each other and pulling one another's hair. "Look Kagura can't be paired with anyone because her acting skills suck! So we have to use Kisa for this! Her husband can't be me, because I'm like a father to her and it can't be Shinpachi because he's to plain and like a brother to her." They all nod their heads in agreement. "I sure as hell won't let it be Gorilla because that would look plain wrong. A sketchy looking dude and a small innocent girl together? I think not!" Hijikata pulls out his sword and points it at Gintoki, "If anyone is the sketchy guy, it's you!" "And we're not using HijiBaka because he's a dangerous mayo freak." "That just eliminates all of us, you damn fool!" The lady laughs, "Well why don't you use him then?" They all turn their attention towards Kisa and Sougo, who are still fighting with each other. They stop fighting and look at their friend's devious smiles. They look at each other and then back at their friends. At the same time they both say, "What?"