A Gintama Fanfic

His Nightmare Before Christmas Pt. 2

The four Odd Jobs sit inside, wrapped in a big blanket. "So freaking cold! Standing outside in a Sumo Wrestler costume was so humiliating!" "Humiliation? Pachi, I was cleaning a swimming pool in my underwear! Unlike the Gorilla, I have a sense of humility!" Kisa lets out a small sneeze, "Excuse me?! I was standing in lingerie waving a sign around for an hour!" Kagura chuckles a little, "I feel relieved that I had clothes on!" "No one likes a bragger, Kagura-Chan." They all huddle closer to each other, Gintoki then turns on the tv.
<   TV   >
"Hello my wonderful viewers! It's the time of the year again! Where you give to your loved ones! So here's the question for the day, what did you get your significant other!" The reporter walks over to a girl, "Excuse me, miss. What did you get your boyfriend for Christmas?" The girl shyly looks at the camera, "I got him a tie...." "That's it? That's one of the don'ts for gift giving. You're giving it to your significant other, your other half, so why give him a tie? Is he your dad or something?" "Ah no but he said it didn't matter what I got him...." "That's the thing with men! They never think about it at all and once you give them the gift they get all judgmental and never use it." "You think he won't use it? Maybe I should give him something else...." "Yes you should! Moving on!" The reporter walks up to a man, "Excuse me, sir! What did you get your girlfriend for Christmas?" "Well since she said it doesn't matter what I get her, I got her a coffee mug." The reporter shakes her head, "How pathetic... Do you really love your girlfriend?" "I do!" "Then why did you get her a coffee mug? Women like things that are shiny and there is only one thing that can shine in a woman's life and that's jewelry!" "Eh?" "You know the saying, diamonds are a girls best friend? Well it's true! Your girlfriend is probably excepting a ring, necklace, earrings, or even a bracelet!" The reporter walks away shaking her head, "What is with these weak presents! Does anyone even love their significant others anymore? Listen up viewers get your other half something amazing! Something that screams I love you! Not something that says, oh had a nice year with you, hope next year will be the same. This isn't an office! Step it up or don't date at all! I'm Haji Hana and that's all for today! Bye!"
<   TV   >
"Gin-Chan does that mean you guys are getting me diamonds for Christmas?" "Hell no! That's expensive and don't listen to the TV lady! She's crazy, I'd be happy with a coffee mug!" Shinpachi adjusts his glasses, "I'd be happy with a tie only because it came from my significant other." Gintoki looks at Kisa, "So what did you get Souchiro?" "It was too hard to decide on a gift so I decided to make him a scarf." Shinpachi chuckles, "That's an even better gift." Kagura tilts her head, "How so?" Gintoki puts a finger against his chin, "I guess it's like Valentine's Day... Something homemade has more feeling than something store bought." "Ohhhh..... Kisa are you giving me something homemade, because you love me more than the Sadist, right?" Kisa giggles, "I already got you your gift. But if I have time, I might make you a hat." Kagura jumps up with joy, "Yay!" "So Kisa-San, what color is the scarf?" "Black like his soul... But I guess it wouldn't match his soul really... I couldn't find a dark enough black." "Kisa-San is that an appropriate Christmas gift?" Gintoki pats Shinpachi's back, "What are you talking about, Shinpachi? Souchiro needs something to keep him warm. It doesn't matter if the reason is appropriate or not." "I guess.... Speaking of which, Ane-ue wanted to know if she should bring the meat for the hotpot or if she should bring the vegetables." Gintoki ponders on it for a second, "We can finally afford rich meat so tell her to bring the vegetables and nothing else. Gran is providing the alcohol and bringing the cards." Kisa tilts her head, "Cards? For what?" "Poker!" "Gintoki..... You suck at gambling." "If I win I can probably buy a bunch of JUMP! Because someone is hiding all the money I can't do that right now." "That's the reason why I'm hiding the money! You're going to use it on Pachinko or just waste it on useless crap!" "It's not useless crap! Tell her Kagura!" They both look at Kagura who is picking her nose and not paying any attention to them. Kisa sighs and stands up. "Where are you going?" "I have to finish knitting the scarf." Shinpachi also stands up, "I'll go tell Ane-ue the plan." Gintoki scratches his head and turns toward the tv, "Guess it's just you and me, Kagura." "Shh! This is my favorite part." Gintoki sighs as Sadaharu takes a seat next to him.
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"Present? What present?" "Captain, tomorrow is Christmas... Aren't you getting Kisa something?" Sougo clicks his tongue, "She has me, isn't that enough?" "You really aren't good at this relationship thing, are you?" "Shut up, Yamazaki... If you're such an expert then please tell me, what did you get her?" "I got her an outfit...." "An outfit? For what?" "Well I thought it was bad that she was playing badminton in her kimono especially since hers is short, so I got her an outfit to play badminton in." "How is that a gift? It's just something practical and something you could give her any day?" "But that's why they are perfect for Kisa." "I don't understand." "Kisa doesn't like flashy things, she enjoys simple things. Things that make her happy and make her smile... You like her smile, don't you?" 🔺Well yeah I like her smile. No it's not like, I adore her smile... I adore the way her eyes shine when she's eating her favorite foods.🔺 "What are the things that make her happy, Yamazaki?" "Let's see.... She likes to hang out with the Odd Jobs. She loves getting herself into sticky situations. Obviously it makes her happy to spend time with you." "Those don't help me with gift ideas, Mountain Zaki." "Ahhh Captain! Please don't ever bring that up again!" "Yamazaki could it be that you never told Kisa about that?" "No I haven't told her!" A sadistic grin spreads across Sougo's face, "I got a perfect gift for you, Yamazaki." "Please no! What did I do?!" "Its punishment for not helping me with a gift idea." Sougo evilly chuckles as he walks away. 🔺Now who should I ask for advice? I sure as hell ain't going to ask Hijikata.... That leaves Kondo-San, but is he really the right person to go to? Guess I'll take my chances.🔺