A Gintama Fanfic

Mayonnaise Past Its Expiration Date Will Give You Indigestion Pt. 3

They run for a good ten minutes, when they finally come to a stop. Kisa bends over to catch her breath, "Oh... My... Gosh.... I'm going to have nightmares for the rest of my life." Sougo leans against a wall, "There's so damn many of them! How the hell did that happen in a span of one day." Gintoki crosses his arms, "Because no one knows the definition of personal space!" The moment Gintoki said that, Sougo had somehow pulled Kisa over to him and now had her wrapped in his arms. Gintoki grabs one of Kisa's hands and tries to pull her away, "Souchiro did you not understand what I meant by personal space?" "Boss, I have no idea what you're talking about." Sougo grabs her other hand and tries to pull her back over to him. "What I'm saying is, get your hands off my daughter before you get her infected!" Sougo and Gintoki pull Kisa back and forth for a good 5 minutes until she grew tired of it. "THAT IS ENOUGH!" They both let go of her. Kisa rubs her arms and sighs, "You both are brats. Here put one of these on!" Kisa pulls out three mouth masks. Sougo takes one and studies it, "Aren't these for people who have colds?" Gintoki takes one and shakes his head, "No this is what the dentist wear." "Ughh! Just put them on! We can avoid breathing in any of those sick particles!" Gintoki quickly slips his on and Sougo hesitantly puts his on. Kisa follows suit and puts hers on. "There much better!" "We look like delinquents." Gintoki stares at Sougo in disbelief, "You've always looked like a delinquent and you have the attitude of one. I think you'll be fine." "Kisa tell the Boss that he looks more like a delinquent than I do." "Kisa tell Souchiro that I'll kick his ass if he touches you again!" "Lovely tell him that it's Sougo not Souchiro." Gintoki grabs Sougo by the collar and starts shaking him back and forth, "Don't flirt with her right in front of me." Kisa sighs, "Gintoki, he only called me lovely." All three argue back and forth until they are interrupted by a moan. "Mayooonaise.... Gin-Chan.... Kisa.... Damn Sadist." Gintoki releases Sougo and stares at zombie Kagura. Kisa lets out a small yelp as Kagura comes closer. Sougo kicks Kagura away and laughs, "Boss take Kisa to the Headquarters. I'll keep China busy." "Sougo!" Gintoki takes Kisa's hand and nods his head, "Will do, Souchiro!" "Sougo don't take off that mask! You better come back to us human!" "That's obvious, Kisa. Now get out of here and fix this mess." Kisa nods her head and her and Gintoki run off. "Alright China. Give me your best shot." Kagura smirks and runs toward Sougo, but instead of hitting him, she takes off his mask and coughs. Sougo kicks her away from him and starts wiping his face. "Dammit! That's disgusting!!"
---------------Kisa & Gintoki--------------
"Gintoki.... HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET IN! They are literally covering the entrance." He sighs and looks at the wall. An sadistic grin spreads across his face, "We'll go over the wall." "Over?" Gintoki picks her up and tosses Kisa over the wall. She holds her kimono down as she harshly hits the ground. Gintoki climbs the wall and lands right next to her. "I hate you.... How did you even toss me over that wall?!" "Super Strength. But I'm also surprised, how in the world did I lift your heavy ass up?" Kisa glares at Gintoki as she stands herself up. "Honestly I hope you fall or something." "Don't try and curse your father!" "Yeah yeah.. Come on let's go find out how this all started... I can already tell it has to do with mayonnaise." "Oh what have that away?" Kisa sticks her tongue out at Gintoki, "You don't have to be a smartass about it." Suddenly Gintoki's foot is snagged on a rope which pulls him up and dangles him from a tree. "GINTOKI!" "Ah dammit! Who the hell put this here?!" "I did, but I wasn't expecting to catch a white haired idiot." Kisa looks at the bushes which were apparently speaking. "Gintoki is it me or do those bushes sound like Hijikata.." "Maybe he died and his soul transferred into that bush because that's all his life was worth." Hijikata walks out of the bushes, pissed as hell, "Do you want me to help you to the afterlife?" "Look he's alive again!" He points his sword at Kisa, "I'll send you with him too!" "Stop whining and cut Gintoki down already." Hijikata cuts him down, which leads to Gintoki landing on his head. "Ah dammit!" Kisa and Hijikata snicker at Gintoki. "Anyways HijiBaka, we need you to take us to your kitchen!" "Why the kitchen?" Gintoki stands up and grabs Hijikata by the collar, "Because it was you idiots, who started this zombie apocalypse!" "We need to see what you idiots are last night or else we are clueless on how to fix this." "Fine! But we have to be careful. These zombies have their original strength, I can only imagine how scary a Zombie China or Sougo would be. Actually have you two seen Sougo?" "Souchiro stayed behind in order to distract Kagura. He's the one who told us about the zombies starting here." "He also said that Yama-Chan was the first one to be infected." "I don't remember, all I remember is that my men fell over and then got up and started swaying around like mindless idiots." "Even Gori-San?" "No no Kisa, he would be a mindless Gorilla." "Ohhh! I get it now!" "Do you both want to commit sepukku?" Kisa sticks her tongue out and winks her eye, "Oops sorry!" Hijikata hits the back of her head, "That's not apologetic at all!" Behind the wall, all that could be heard was the moans of mayonnaise. Gintoki freezes and starts ushering the two forward, "You can beat her up later! Let's just go." Two minutes later the three get to the kitchen. "Okay you two! We have to look for clues on why this apocalypse started! Gintoki, you look over there! Hijikata, you look over there and I'll look over here!" Kisa goes to the trashcan first and finds a ton of empty mayonnaise bottles. She pulls one out and looks at the expiration date. 🔹TWO YEAR OLD MAYONNAISE! THIS EXPIRED TWO YEARS AGO, HIJIKATA IS SO CRUEL TO HIS MEN!🔹 Kisa pulls more and more bottles out, each of them expired two years ago. "HIJIBAKA! YOU ARE SO CRUEL!" "What are you talking about?" "Two year old mayonnaise! Are you serious?! You made them eat it even if it was two years old!" "Perfectly good mayonnaise should never go to waste!" Gintoki's face drops as he picks up some of the bottles, "Did you eat any of this?" "Yes I had about three bowls." Kisa stares at him in bewilderment, "He's immune! He's immune to the expired mayonnaise! Gintoki, I say we sacrifice him to the mayo zombies!" Gintoki cracks his knuckles, "I agree. He should pay for poisoning everyone with his nasty addiction." "Oi! I'm right here! Are you two really going to plan this in front of me?!" Kisa glares at Hijikata, "You damn right we are! You poisoned everyone!" "Oh yeah? Then why aren't you two infected?" "We've been lucky! And Kisa got us these masks, so we don't inhale the sick particles!" Hijikata smirks, "Is that so? Then how about you be chivalrous and give me the mask?" Hijikata grabs onto Gintoki's mask. "Guh! Get off me! You're immune to this virus! We all can't be lucky like you! Kisa save me!" Kisa stares at them, annoyance is written all over her face. "You two need to stop already! We have to find a way to fix Hijikata's mess!" "How is this automatically my mess?!" Hijikata stands up and puts Kisa in a headlock. "Geh! It's your fault because it was your mayonnaise!" As the two try to fight against the Vice Chief, a noise comes from down the hall. "Hiiijjiiikata Bastard...." They all stop moving and duck behind a counter, "You two said Sougo was distracting China, right?" Y-yeah... I told him to come back human." "He's got one of those masks, right?" "Well yeah... Oh god he took it off.." "Mayooonaise....." "Hiiijjiiikata Bastard!!!" Gintoki, Kisa and Hijikata all press their backs against the counter. "Kisa, your sadistic boyfriend is going to kill us all." "Maybe not us... Maybe just Hijikata." "Stop trying to get rid of me." They hear multiple footsteps enter the room. "Ooottttaaaeee-San!!!" "Hiiijjiiikata Bastard....." "Giiinnn-Saaannn...." "Kisaaa-aru!" Kisa sighs, "Great, we're going to be killed by a bunch of idiots who can't say mayonnaise." "No wait, I have an idea." Hijikata pulls out a small remote. Gintoki looks at it skeptically, "You're going to turn on the television?" "No you white haired idiot." He presses a button and outside the window a Hijikata dummy pops up. "HIJIKATA BASTARD!!" Sougo pulls out his bazooka and shoots the window. Kisa and Gintoki state in horror as the smoke clears up and there is a huge gaping hole in the wall. "Found our escape." "Hijikata.... YOU ARE A GENIUS." Kisa wraps her arms around him, "Freaking Genius!" Hijikata blushes slightly, "Heh, it was nothing." "Oi Mayo Freak, stop flirting with my daughter and let's get the hell out of here." "Alright alright, in all fairness she started it. Now start crawling." Gintoki, Hijikata and Kisa start crawling towards the gaping hole, but are notice by Sougo.