A Gintama Fanfic

We Are The Shinsengumi

"We are live with the Shinsengumi! Sir, please tell us how the Shinsengumi helps us everyday people!" The camera points towards Kondo, "We do what's right. We help with everyday problems from loiterers to terrorists and we do them without ever excepting anything in return. We just want the citizens of Edo to feel safe! Even the Amanto!" The reporter's face darkens and her jaw drops, "Sir, y-y-your pants!" The camera moves down and now is on Kondo's bottom half. "Oh! Toshi have you seen my pants!" "KONDO-SAN! Please put on some pants that's a live broadcasting!!!" Sougo starts chuckling, "Kondo-San, your balls are now being looked at from everywhere!" Yamazaki comes running over to Kondo, a pair of pants in his hand. "Chief, I found your pants!" "Thanks Zaki!" A bee flies past Hijikata's face and then a sword does, "Oops sorry Hijikata. There was a bee." "Bullshit there was a bee!! You're still trying to kill me!!" Hijikata grabs Sougo and throws him across the yard. Kondo laughs as he pulls his pants up. Yamazaki shakes his head in disappointment, "We just blew this interview." The reporter calms herself down and looks directly at the camera, "That was our inside scoop of the Shinsengumi! Please tune in next time when we interview a Prince from a foreign Planet!"
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"Gintoki why do they even bother interviewing them? Because I just saw a part of Kondo, I didn't want to see." "It's so they get publicity. They need it since their reputation sucks." "Gin-San, I think we need a break from television." "What should we do then?" Kagura jumps up, "Let's go to the zoo-aru!" "What brought that up?" Kagura points to the tv which was now playing a commercial for a new zoo coming to Edo. Gintoki nods his head, "Fine we'll go to the zoo!" Kagura, Kisa, and Shinpachi all shout with joy, "Yay!!" "Hold up! We aren't going till tomorrow." Kagura crosses her arms, "But Gin-Chan!!" "Tomorrow!" Shinpachi adjusts his glasses, "That's a good idea actually. We'll have time to get our stuff ready." Kisa stands up and picks up her wallet, "I'm going to buy some sunscreen for Kagura." "Buy me some pickled seaweed!" "Buy me a parfait!" "Buy me some chips!" "Gah, you guys are so damn greedy!" Kisa slams the door behind her.
-----------------The Next Day------------
Hijikata opens his eyes to find people looking down at him. "What the hell?" He looks around and notices monkeys all around him and Kondo. "Mama look! The monkey is waking up!" "Who the hell are you calling a monkey!?" "Haha look it's so excited!" The mother pats her sons head and nods her head, "Yes he's very excited, isn't he." They walk away, leaving Hijikata fuming. "Kondo-San wake up. We have a problem. Oi Kondo-San!" Kondo opens his eyes and yawns, "Oh Toshi, what's wrong?" "We're in a monkey enclosure." "Oh is that what this is? I thought everyone just needed a shave." "HOW CAN YOU THINK THAT!" "Gin-Chan look at those monkeys!" Kagura tugs on Gintoki's sleeve trying to get his attention. Gintoki looks at them and tilts his head, "Why is there a Gorilla in there?" Shinpachi chuckles, "Maybe he was mistaken for a monkey." Kisa tosses a few peanuts into the enclosure. Gintoki whacks the back of her head, "Don't feed them, Kisa!" "Why not?" "They'll get dependent on it and won't be able to fend for themselves." "But they're in a zoo... They would never make it in the wild." "That's not the point." Hijikata glares at them harshly, "YOU IDIOTS KNOW EXACTLY WHO WE ARE! HELP US OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW!" "Now look at what you've done. He's grown dependent on you." "Oops! Sorry Gintoki." "Kondo-San please tell these idiots to help us out!" Hijikata looks at Kondo, his face immediately drops, "Kondo-San! Don't peel the banana with your feet! You're just entertaining them even more!" "But Toshi, it's so much easier and a lot more quicker!" Hijikata rubs the bridge of his nose, "Where the hell is Sougo?" "Ooo Gintoki, look at those wolves!" The four walk over to the wolf enclosure. "Oi!!! Get back here and get us out of here!!"
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"Why the hell am I wearing a collar? This is not how this goes!" Sougo pulls at the collar around his neck and lets out a small growl. "Gintoki look at the cute little wolves." "They may be cute but they probably make a huge mess." "Oi Kisa! Come get me out of this or maybe you'd like to join me down here? You know wolves mate for life." "Awwww it's howling for attention! Gintoki can we take him home?" "No we already have Sadaharu. Plus that one looks like he requires a lot of attention. Like a lot of attention!" Kagura nods her head, "He looks like a Sadistic Animal! Look the other wolves are bowing to him!" Shinpachi urges Kisa away from the enclosure, "Look Kisa! They have a petting zoo and it has bunnies!" Kisa's and Kagura's eyes widen as they run towards the petting zoo. Gintoki chuckles as he looks down at Sougo, "Nice try, Souchiro." "Boss if  you know I'm in here then help me out." "Sorry Souchiro, it's bad to take the animals out of the zoo! Come on, Pachi!"
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"Awww look how adorable this bunny is!" "Kisa..... It's me, Yamazaki!" Kisa pats Yamazaki's head as he tries to resist the urge to smile. Kagura grabs a carrot and brings it to his face, "Come on! Eat it!" Yamazaki hesitantly opens his mouth and takes a bite of the carrot. "This is so degrading, but I kinda like it." Yamazaki smiles as Kisa and Kagura pet his head. "Gin-San should we help them out?" "Nah this is their punishment for being dumb." "We'll help though.." "Yeah give it an hour. Kisa and Kagura are enjoying themselves."
----------------An Hour Later------------
"I don't know whether I should arrest you all or if I should have you all commit sepukku!" "Come on, Toshi! It wasn't that bad!!" "We were stuck in enclosures for animals! You got in a fight with one of the monkeys over dominance!" Kondo lets out a laugh, "It was awesome! Look even Zaki had fun!" Yamazaki smiles and gently shakes his head, "No Chief, it was horrible staying in a petting zoo..." Sougo crosses his arms and sighs, "Yamazaki stop trying to play innocent. You were pampered and you loved it, I was forced into a collar." Gintoki, Shinpachi, Kagura and Kisa all start to chuckle. Hijikata punches Gintoki which starts a fight. Kagura jumps in and pulls Kondo in the mix. Shinpachi and Yamazaki stand off on the side and shakes their heads. Sougo slides over to Kisa and takes her hand, "Ohhh Kisa remember how you ignored me while I was in the enclosure?" "I recall looking at a very dominant wolf." "Then let me ask you another question. Do you remember what the wolf was howling?" "I know it was something Gintoki doesn't approve of. But in a weird way it was very romantic." "How so?" "Well if wolves mate for life, that means it's one partner for life and if that's not romantic then I don't know what is." He gives her hand a squeeze and let's go of it, "If you'll excuse me, I have a score to settle." Sougo walks over to the fight and cracks his knuckles, "Oh China!" Kisa walks over to Shinpachi and Yamazaki. "So wanna join the fight?" They both look at Kisa and in unison yell, "NO!" Kisa starts to chuckle, "Didn't think so."