THE ONE I LOVE

TOIL 21

Tulog na sina Daniella at Irish nang makauwi s'ya. Tumungo agad s'ya sa desk n'ya at mula sa drawer noon ay kinuha ang puting envelope. Without a second thought sinimulan na n'yang basahin ang sulat na 'yon. The letter is address to Kriskah's mom.

My only protector Mom,

Am I really that bad? Am I really that coward? Am I really that weak?

I wonder why all of a sudden biglang nagbago si Bhezlexi. Hindi s'ya ganun dati. Pero later on napapansin kong ipinaparamdam n'ya sa'kin na mahina ako at talunan. I just want to make Drake happy kaya sinabi ko sa kanya na bibitiwan ko na si Drake. Pero bhezlexi told me that she's so disappointed. Alam kong ginagawa n'ya ang lahat maging masaya lang ako pero bakit parang pakiramdam ko that she's over doing it. Mom, you knew how much I love bhezlexi na parang kapatid ko na. Pero nito kasing mga nakaraang araw naging maiinitin na ang ulo n'ya. May nasasaktan na 'kong tao because of her.

Remember Drake's bestfriend? Mom, s'ya 'yong real girlfriend ni Drake. Nakihati lang ako. Bhezlexi knew about that. Pero ipinalabas n'ya sa campus that it was Jamille who steal him. Nagi-guilty ako knowing that I ruined her image in the school and almost lose her scholarship because of that. Wala akong magawa para kampihan si Jamille mom. I love Drake but giving him up means breaking me and bhezlexi's bond.

Mom, Jamille is the best friend ever. She's more than just a friend and you knew that. Kaya ayaw ko namang masira ang halos fifteen years na pinagsamahan namin. I choose not to give up on Drake. Bhezlexi help me hold his hand pero later on I learned something. I was thinking that she's doing that because of me and for me. Pero mom hindi ei. Nagbago s'ya dahil kay James. Remember James Airyl mom? Bestfriend din s'ya ni bhezlexi. Not only that. He's her secret love. Unfortunately, nong binisita ni Airyl si bhezlexi sa campus namin he accidentally met Jamille. That was first love. He confessed that to bhezlexi.

Bhezlexi did everything not because of me nor for me. She did those things because of envy. She envy Jamille that Airyl fell for her that instant. I confronted her regarding that pero ang laki na talaga ng ipinagbago ni bhezlexi. Hiningi n'ya ang tulong ko to ruin Jamille. I doubted. I chose not to help her. And later on I've got the courage na makipag-break na kay Drake.

Mom, that was the saddest part of my life. 'Yong for the second time pinakawalan ko na naman 'yong taong mahal na mahal ko. More than that nasira din ang friendship namin ni bhezlexi. She blamed me for being so coward, weak and everything. She told me how disappointed she is. She told me that she wont let that pass. She told me that I'm a bad bestfriend.

You and bhezlexi is all that I ever had, mom. Pero she let go of my hand after hearing na nakipag-break na ako kay Drake. Childish n'ya diba mom? Pero mom, am I really that bad?

SECOND LETTER

Mom, bhezlexi is doing it again. Sinubukan n'ya na namang ipatanggal si Jamille sa scholarship. Nalaman 'yon ni Drake. Bhezlexi has really change. I saw Drake kneeling in front of her in the gymnasium. Drake's begging for her not to touch Jamille. Ang sakit diba mom. Knowing how much he loves Jamille. But that's not the matter. Mom, bhezlexi almost killed him.

Mom, she almost killed him. She tried to poison Jamille's but since alam ni Jamille ang tungkol doon. He drink it instead. Jamille's not aware of it. It was me who brought him to the hospital. Jamille's still not aware of what had happened. Akala n'ya kami pa rin ni Drake. Ipinaubaya na n'ya sa'kin si Drake pero ipinaubaya ko na 'yon sa kanya.. He didn't tell her about the break up.

You know mom, how much I love him. Kaya naman sinubukan kong kausapin si bhezlexi. She was so afraid mom. Alam kong hindi n'ya sinadya 'yong ginawa n'ya. I hugged her to comfort her. She stopped crying. She told me while crying that she did what she has done because of me. I told her to stop but she blamed me instead.

Mom, I guess everything was really my fault. All I ever needed is a sister. After losing bunso ang gusto ko lang makatagpo ng isa pa. I can see Jamille as a good candidate but then hindi nangyari.

Kung hindi ko lang sana sinubukang alukin si Drake na maging boyfriend ko noon hindi sana nangyari ang nangyari. Kung hindi ko lang ginamit si Jamille hindi sana mangyayari 'yon. Mom, I'm selfish at tama nga si bhezlexi. Duwag din ako at tama din s'ya doon. Mahina rin ako. Ako din ang kasalanan kaya muntik na s'yang makapatay at muntik na rin mawala si Drake. Everything was my fault mom. Tama si bhezlexi. It was my fault. She blamed me. I blame myself. Everything was my fault. Bhezlexi told me to get lost. She wished for me to die. Sabi n'ya pabigat lang daw ako sa kanya. She wished for me to die. She cursed me to die. She wants me to die.

THIRD LETTER

Mom, Goodbye. Bhezlexi's right! I should really die! Everything was my fault and I should die! And if born again, I would really love to meet Jamille as my sister.

Goodbyr mom.

Natigilan na lang si Jamille nang mabasa ang sulat. Tama si Kriskah, hindi n'ya nalaman na muntikanan ng mamatay si Drake noon. Nabalitaan n'yang nagkasakit 'yon dahil isang linggong hindi umuwi pero hindi n'ya inakalang ganun ka-grabe ang nangyari doon. Muling bumalik sa alaala n'ya 'yong makatatlong beses s'yang muntikan ng mawala sa scholarship noong high school pa s'ya. Ngayon na lang ulit n'ya naalala si Drake. Pakiramdam n'ya she made it that far because of him.

"Hindi talaga kita titigilan dahil ginugulo mo pa rin ako. Idadamay ko ang kapatid mo hanggat gusto ko. I'm going to make your life more than just hell!"

Napatitig s'ya sa hawak na sulat nan maalala ang mga katagang 'yon na binitiwan ni Lexi.

"Yes! You are! Kaya pasensyahan tayo Jamille. Kung kaya mong tiisin lahat ng ginagawa ko sa'yo then I'm going to target your sister. That way you can't bear it!"

Sinulyapan n'ya ang natutulog na kapatid nang muling magbalik sa alaala n'ya ang bantang 'yon ni Lexi. Hindi na n'ya napansing nagusot ang hawak n'yang sulat nang mapahigpit ang hawak n'ya dito.

"Why should I? Ano bang kaya mong gawin? Sa'ting dalawa kelan ba 'ko natalo?"

Napatiim bagang s'ya. Puno ng galit ang mata n'ya. Nadagdagan lang 'yon ng maalala n'ya ang mukha ng kanyang ina na mas piniling sumama kay Lexi ng hindi man lang nakikinig sa paliwanag n'ya. Mapapalagpas n'ya ang panlalait at pagmamaliit nito sa kanya pero ibang usapan na kapag damay na ang kapatid n'ya.

"Ano ba ang kaya kong gawin? You're asking me Lexi?" piping sambit ng isip n'ya ngunit mapagbanta ang titig ng mata n'ya sa lampshade sa desk n'ya. "I'm going to show you kung ano ang kayang gawin ng isang Jamille Audrey. Sisiguruhin kong luluhod ka sa harap ng kapatid ko dahil sa ginawa mo." Muling sambit ng isipan n'ya at muling nilingon ang natutulog na kapatid.

Ibinalik n'ya sa white envelope ang sulat at nakita n'ya ang isang note doon.

"You can call me anytime. I can give you my time. -Kriskah's Mom-" That was the note at the back of the calling card na nakasilid din sa white envelope. May nakasulat din doong address.

There's nothing in her heart that time but anger. Nothing but pure anger.

To be continued...