Beyond The Exterior

δεκατέσσερα

|Issaiah Love|

This morning I woke up to puffy eyes and a huge migraine. Last night I had cried too many times to count, and too often to get a good night's rest. I had actually cried over a nigga that I thought was dating me because he actually liked me. Last night he showed his real colors. It could have very well been the alcohol talking and I wanted to be naïve and blame his actions on it, but a drunken mind always spoke a sober heart.

I got out of bed and walked to my bathroom to take an aspirin. When I was finished I went out to the balcony and took a seat. It had been a while since I'd actually smoked. Amir was really helping me fight the nasty habit, but I guess it was time for a relapse.

Putting the blunt to my lips, I lit the end and let the substance intoxicate me for a while. I leaned my head back enjoying the feeling of my mind being spaced out.

I should've just left him alone when I found out that he was cool with my brothers. I should've just ignored him when he offered me a ride. I should've never let him get me so hyped. Why did he have to show me so much attention, being everything that that I wanted in a boyfriend? Why did I have to fall for him?

Tears began to roll down my cheeks, killing my high."Fuck."

Light taps drummed on my door as I entered back in my room. Going over to the door, I opened it revealing both of my brothers wearing all black with displeasing looks on their faces.

"What?"

"We need to talk to you."

"About what?"

"Just come downstairs."

"I really don't want to."

"We're not asking, we're telling."

"Fine."I walked out my room with them following behind, all the way to the living room. All of their boys were downstairs wearing black as if they were going to a funeral."Who died?"

"No one...yet."I looked over to Amir seeing that he was a little fidgety. Serves him right for treating me that way. As if whenever he wanted, I was just supposed to fuck him. He wasn't about to tell me to jump and I damn sure wasn't about to ask how high.

"What are you about to do?"

"Tell us who it was."I rolled my eyes, they were doing too much just to hurt Amir how he hurt me, and worse. He wasn't even worth it. If anything, he's losing out because no one will treat him how I treated him.

"It's not even that serious, the nigga isn't even worth it."

"Issaiah, just tell us."

"You are not about to force me to tell you, if you want to know who it was, go find him on you own."Benji grabbed my arm trying to prevent me from walking away. This was useless for them to think that I'd ever tell who it was.

My word was my bond and I was a loyal woman. Even to the people who don't deserve it.

"Benjamin, get your hand off of me before I do it for you."

"Issaiah, why are you treating this shit as a game? Do you know that shit makes us look? Niggas going to start thinking that they can try us."Was he serious?

"Fuck how it makes you look how about how it makes me feel? He thought that all he had to do was give me a gift and I'd give him my virginity."I could feel the tears about to come and I didn't want them to view me as a weak girl. Crying was rare for me, I hated it.