Beyond The Exterior

είκοσι ένα

Here's a pic of Joshua and look I found Amir. Enjoy you guys.

Much Love-Lex

|Issaiah Love|

I crushed the remains of my blunt before staring off into space. How did I get to this point of my life? How did I end up the girl who's boyfriend beat on her? How did I become the girl who didn't know what she wanted to do in life? How did I become this girl who was so obsessed with proving to a guy that he actually liked her? How did I become so lost?

I looked down at my tattoo seeing that it had healed and looked even better than it did before. I loved my tattoo, but I just wished I was the girl that the symbol stood for.

Last night I had another dream. A little girl was being drowned by her father. Welts formed on her body from a mixture of water and fierce blow. He forced her head underwater as he drunkenly bathed her.  What kind of father would do that to his baby girl? Fathers were supposed to me the protectors. First loves and superhero. All her father was, was a drunken abuser who always called her a mistake.

I got up and dusted some of the ashes off of me before going inside to take a bath. Today I had a doctor's appointment, therapy session, a project to work on, and then work. It had been a while since I've been to see Dr. Morris. This time I needed to go.

Stepping out of the shower, I wrapped my towel around me and walked to my closet. Not feeling like getting dressed up, I decided on a gray short set to wear. After I dried off, I put on my clothes then went to take my medicine and brush my teeth. When everything was finished, I grabbed my bag, keys, and phone before I left out.

"Issaiah, what brings you in today?"My regular doctor, Dr. Harrison asked as he washed his hands at the sink.

"I need to get tested for HIV."

"Alright, so you're now sexually active?"

"No, I just got out of a relationship and found out that my boyfriend had it. The only thing that we've ever done was kiss. Even though I know you can get it by sexual content, I still want to make sure that I don't have."

"That's perfectly understandable."He walked up to me and started doing the routine check up to make sure that I was healthy and could hear."Alright, I need you to open your mouth as wide as you can so I can swab your cheek."Doing as he said, I opened my mouth and let him swab my cheek. When he was done, he put the stick in thin plastic bag. He wrote on it and walked out.

This was so embarrassing to have to sit up here and go through this. All of this could've been avoided if he would've told me from the jump. Would  I have ever started dating him? I don't know. But I wouldn't have treated him like he had leoparsy. Part of me fells like he's just doing this to women to make them feel his pain. He's hurt and I get that, but why risk the lives of others whose never done anything wrong to him?

"Alright Issaiah the results will be back within a week."

"Thank you."

"Don't worry Issaiah, you'll be fine."I gave a small smile. I knew my results would come back fine, but I hated the fact that I exposed myself to that situation."Now, I need to tell you how this disease will affect you."

"I already know. I stayed up all last night stressing myself out about this."

"Make sure you get some rest. The last thing you need to do is get an ulcer. You'll be fine."

"Thank you Dr. Harrison."I jumped off of the table and stood in front of him.

"Any time. I'll see you when I get the results."After saying my "goodbyes" and "thank yous", I left to go see Dr. Morris. It had been a while since I'd seen him and I'm sure he missed my crazy ass.