Beyond The Exterior

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|Issaiah Love|

After finding out who was in the car, I kept avoiding Joshua. I felt deceived. This boy was living a double life and the fact that he couldn't tell me the truth about it hurt. I was his girlfriend and he acted like I wasn't going to understand.
"So when were you going to tell me, better yet were you ever going to tell me?"

"I was, but I had to make sure you were the right one, that you were going to be in it for the long run."

"You decide that before you go and make me your fucking girlfriend!"

"Lower your voice and watch your mouth, Issaiah."I put my head down clenching and unclenching my fists. I really wanted to bust him in the face. He really tried it with me and he thinks shit is supposed to be cool. I'm telling him shit just so no one has one up on him and he can't even tell me the most important thing about him. Niggas I tell you.

"You're really making it hard not to sock you in the face. Calling me wifey and joking. I asked you if there was anything I needed to know before we both agreed to go into this relationship and you sat up there and lied to my face."

"I didn't lie to you."

"You withheld information from me. Don't you dare sit up here and twist my words around."

"Aight Sai."

"Please don't make me become that abusive girlfriend. I will lay your ass out right here and you know that I will."I stood up and started pacing. My heart was beating fast and my breathing was becoming hard. Just looking at him made me want to beat his ass, and I wasn't even an abusive person. He just did something to me and I hated it.

"You're overreacting."

"Why are you downplaying the shit like it's not that serious? You have a daughter Joshua, that you didn't let me know about. Do you know what type of situation you put me in? I don't know what her mother thinks about me, if she feels like I took you from her. I get that you don't need to introduce women that you feel you will never have a future with to your daughter, but I'm not one of those women. I am your girlfriend and as your girlfriend I have the right to know whether you have kids or not."

"It's not even your business."That pushed me over the edge. But it's all good, I can't make you see it from my point of view, so I'll just see it from yours and see my way out of this bullshit.

"You're right, I can walk away from all of this. Have fun with her, daddy."He didn't even chase after me, he sat his ass right there as if it was somehow my fault.

He was treating this situation like it was fish he forgot to feed and he let it die. Nah this motherfucker has a whole other human being that he was taking care of and didn't let me know. What type of father does that? Let that I had been my daughter I would let you know that I had a child from the jump. You wasn't about to be around her, but just know I would have to cancel sometimes to take care of her. It wasn't shit complicated about telling me he had a kid. I would've understood, he'll my sister was in the same situation that he was in.

The fact that he didn't trust me enough to tell me that he had a daughter fucked me up. I was your girlfriend, I was on your side, down for you and you couldn't trust me with this?

I was done. Over the bullshit. He could enjoy the rest of his life being a daddy without me. I was over this whole boyfriend situation and the dating scene. I needed to focus on myself and get my head right, because obviously I had horrible taste in men. Well in Amir's case, bum ass niggas. I'm about to be on my FNGS business. Fuck niggas get shmoney. I'm not about to waste my time and effort on someone who can't see me in his future.