Haikyuu Creature Collection

Break 3 (Toru Oikawa)

After the incident in the locker room, there had been several times similar to that between Toru and me. Each aggressive, bloody, and void of even the tiniest sign of affection.

I'm well aware that he's using me for my blood and to fulfill his sexual desires, but I can't bring myself to just walk away. If I left him now, I'd be no better than those stupid girls he'd dated in the past. The only real difference being that I knew what he was and he'd never once kissed me. That's how I know his feelings only extend to what I can give him and no further.

Right about now, he'd be busy with volleyball practice. Normally I'd wait for him, but today I don't even want to look at him. It hurts too much.

Over time, I'd fallen for him and at one time I'd thought that he'd returned my feelings. Apparently, I had been mistaken. Or perhaps I'd simply misunderstood what he'd meant. Regardless, it led me here.

As I come to a stop, I notice a familiar place. I move a little further in to a more secluded spot. This place was where we were the last time I'd given him my blood willingly. There were no emotions behind that, no sexual encounter, just the simple act of a friend helping a friend.

I stare a while longer, tears coming to my eyes. Why did it have to end up like this? Unable to keep going, I sit down and bury my face in my arms, letting the tears flow freely. This was a fate I chose, so now I had to live with my decision.

I don't know how long I sat there like that, all I know is that the next time I looked up, I found Toru's face just in front of me. He looked concerned, but why would he even care about me? If he cared, he would have said it a long time ago.

My eyes are red and puffy from crying, so there was no hiding it from him. But if he should ask, what was I even supposed to say? I couldn't just tell him that I'm upset because I was in love with him but he only wanted my body... It sounded ridiculous just thinking it.

Slowly I bury my face in my arms again. What was the point in even trying? His feelings were already pretty clear.

His hand reached out and caressed my cheek, but I pushed it away. That was an obvious sign that something was seriously wrong. "What happened? What's wrong?" The concerned tone of his voice made my heart feel like it was being squeezed.

Being unable to speak, I couldn't answer him, which of course made him act more concerned. He didn't really care though... I knew that he didn't... If he did care, then we wouldn't have been in this situation to begin with...

His arms wrapped around me and I instinctively clung to his chest, just as I always had in the past... back before that first day in the locker room... My name left his lips in a gentle and soothing whisper, but it did little to help me.

"I... I can't..." I barely managed to force out, my voice weak and shaky. "I-I can't do this anymore... It hurts...." My grip on the front of his shirt tightened. "It hurts, Toru..."

Just then, a felt a drop of something wet hit the top of my head. "You... you can't..." As I pulled back to look at him, I was shocked to seeing Toru looking back at me with tears pouring from his eyes and a horrified expression on his face. "No... please no... I... I can't lose you..."

I couldn't even understand why he was crying like that. I wasn't anything special to him... just his meal and living sex toy... I helped him satisfy his body's needs and that was all... He didn't love me... though I really did love him... That was exactly why I couldn't take it anymore...

Even so, I couldn't stand seeing him making such a heartbroken expression. I brought my hand up and brushed away some of the tears. As I did so, my tears dried up. Here I go again... I had put him before myself as I always did. Maybe that was why it hurt so much...

"Don't leave me..." he pleaded, his hand quickly gripping the one resting on his cheek. When he looked at me like that, it killed me even more inside. "Please... I love you..."

"You don't mean that..." I had to look away or else I would have given in... I'd made up my mind, so I couldn't let him guilt me into changing it. "I'm not anything to you anymore... s-so d-don't..." And here come the tears again... "D-don't s-say t-that..."

Unable to stop it, the tears burst through again. Those words were enough for him to realize just what it was that made me want to leave... what made me hurt so much... "Do you think that I don't love you?" His voice trembled a little as he spoke and all I could do was nod.

"You would have said it before now if you meant it... and you've never even kissed me... not even a tiny peck on the cheek..." At my words, I felt Toru's body stiffen. Did he not even realize it? I mean, sure, we've had sex several times by now, but surely he would have realized that he'd never actually kissed more or done anything at all to show that he cared for me even the slightest bit.

After a moment of stunned silence, he spoke slowly and softly. "I... I never did...?" I shook my head. "I... I see... but... surely you already knew how I felt...?" Once again, that answer was no. "You... you know it now... right...?" And again, it was a no.

Toru put a little space between us and forced me to look at him. Without saying anything, he pulled me in a little and covered my lips in a passionate kiss... one that reminded me that he was a great deal more experienced than I was when it came to these kinds of things. When he finally pulled away, I struggled to catch my breath. "You understand that I love you now?"

Still breathless, I gave a little nod and my lips were captured yet again in another kiss. It was then that I knew, I would never be able to leave him... I loved him too much to ever let him go...