Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

48- Carly

   Shutting the door to my bedroom quickly, fleeing the wrath of Cameron Dallas. What had gotten into him.. I can't believe he said any of that to me, or better yet even tried any of that. If he was going to be acting like this for the next few weeks being at home was going to be my worst nightmare. I laid down on my bed, taking in the familiar smell in my nostrils. Gripping the sheets and pulling them closer to my face taking in a bigger whiff of the glorious scent. How was it that the place you called home always had this certain smell, for me, it was always clean linen and fresh baked apple pie. But do you know what I mean? How when you walk into a place there is always a certain aroma, and most of the time you can't even put a name to the smell but it brings back so many memories flooding into your head. Isn't it funny how you subconscious can remember things you thought were lost forever? My mind thought back to Jack and I's first kiss, the way his lips tasted of that cheap convenient store cherry chap stick. And his very expensive cologne, but that day he had put way too much on and smelt very fragment.

And the smell Cameron left on my temporary bedroom sheets, was a scented memory I was never going to forget. He's always chewing on a stick of spearmint gum and washing with anything coconut. And kissing him that night... That was every teenage girl's fantasy coming true, but it didn't help that he was already too late. If only he would have confessed his undying love for me 3 weeks prior things would have been amazing. But like the classic boy he is, he waited just a tad bit too long.

"What do you do. When your hearts in two places? You feel great but you're torn inside. You feel love but you just can't embrace it, When you found the right one at the wrong time," A British female voice sang, from my shitty cellphone speakers. I looked down at the name Broken Arrow by Pixie Lott.

"Well, Pixie-- We have a lot in common," I groaned out. Always a damn song explaining how you feel.

I flopped over on my bed, staring at the stippled roof. A singular glow in the dark star still placed above my head. Cameron and I didn't always use to fight. It wasn't until he found out my feelings for him, that he actually started being the asshole that he was. He was always so kind and playful. He placed that star on the roof when I was maybe about 9 years old. I still remember that day very clearly. It was like any normal day, but all of the neighborhood kids were older around Nash and Cameron's age. I was so tired of being inside-- I thought maybe it would be a good idea to go and try playing with them. Nash's friends ended up being incredibly mean... and well it ended with me bawling my face off and running to my room. The memory played through my head slowly, grasping onto every detail.

His gentle voice calling my name through my shut bedroom door. The look on his voice breaking my heart to this day as he walked in on the younger pig-tailed version of myself crying her eyes out. His calming voice telling me it was going to be alright. And that singular insignificant glow in the dark star in his hands, a symbol that no matter where we were at night we would both looking up at the same stars. And for many years after that dull summer day... I believe that no matter where we were at night when we laid down in our beds at night we were both staring up at that sad glow in the dark star. You'd think that they would be a good memory? Something they would hold onto forever as some sort of promise. But as the years passed on-- They became a symbol of hatred. Only a few months later was he just like all of those other boys saying harsh things to me. Why he has changed the past few months still begins to astonish me. And honestly, a piece of me is in love with the idea that he could ever change and be that young boy my heart fell for so desperately, but another piece of me wishes he would just stay the same old asshole he has always been. It's so much easier to hate the one you love, all the feelings and hurt that comes along with it isn't exactly something I want to go through. At this point me and Gilinsky could break up, and sure it would hurt so bad at first... but after awhile it would be as if it never existed. But, for you Cameron Dallas-- It would not be my pleasure to have my heart broken by you. That is one pain I would never be able to overcome... No matter the circumstances.