Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

77- Carly

"Things didn't go so well with Isabella," Shawn sighed out, his lanky fingers running through his dark hair.

"I'm sorry Shawn, I shouldn't have suggested it," my voice pleaded with sympathy watching his facial expressions through my laptop screen.

"It's not your fault, it's mine. I shouldn't have made her feel like she was forgotten. She just lost her dad and her best friend all in the same week. And I don't even know where to begin or what to say too her," his eyes shot towards the floor and he mustered out a small groan, " I'm so in love with her. And she told me she wanted nothing to do with. It's been month now, and I still haven't said anything to her."

"Shawn. You know I'm always here to talk too, and I'll always be here. None of this is your fault, people all deal with things differently, instead of blaming yourself. Think of why you can't bring yourself to text her. Because the Shawn I know is far from being the silent type, what are you afraid going to happen?" I asked inquisitively, tucking a few brown curls snuggly behind my ear.

A wave of nausea struck the pit of my stomach, my body panicked. Saliva built up in the back of my throat. I held my finger up to the screen signaling to give me a moment, before launching myself off my bed and diving face first into the trash can. One of the many amazing side effects from this parasite growing inside me. Don't get me wrong, this is a gift. And seeing my baby last week was something magical. But that doesn't mean I want it inside of me. I'd prefer it to just be done and over with. I get that I'm stuck with a kid for the rest of my life now, but why do I have to carry it around for 9 months. Wiping my mouth with the sleeve of my brown hood, the smell of regurgitated lunch lingering in the air.

"You okay Cupcake?" Shawn's voice questioned, worriedly.

"I'm fine." Crawling back onto the bed quickly, I reached for the laptop placing it on my lap once again.

"Are you sure?" He asked again. "No..." I whispered out, my bottom lip beginning to quiver.

"I'm so alone Shawn, and I hate myself and this baby. I love him. And I betrayed him. It took losing him to realize he's the one I want."

"Why don't you just tell him then. They both miss you so much, and I know he misses you especially," Shawn cooed, his comforting words churning my already upset stomach.

"It's easier said then done Shawn. I don't deserve them. I don't deserve him. What I did wasn't okay. What I did was stupid and selfish. And makes me a horrible person," I let out a long sigh, starring at my own reflection in the tiny camera square on the skype page.

I didn't even recognize myself. At the starting of this whole adventure-- I was a good person. A genuinely good person, my family was okay. I was happy, and I wasn't this monster. Did I really change this much in the short few months.

Something didn't feel right. Sharp pain seared through my lower abdomen.

"Shawn. Shawn!?" I groaned out in pain.

"Carly what's going on?"

"I think it's the baby," I cried out.

"Carly!?" My mothers voice called out softly

My mind was speechless, a million thoughts raised through but none that were able to be scrambled together to even make sense.

Time ticked by slowly, laying in the white hospital room. Doctors coming in and out talking lowly. A migraine slowly starting to settle in-- the pain in my stomach gone. Everything to do with the little parasite was radio silence. This can't be happening. But I am 18 weeks. I thought this couldn't happen. I thought I was in the clear for these sort of occurrences.

Clark walked into the room slowly, her simply face held a facial expression we all knew to well. My mother grip tightened around my already sweating palms. My heart quickened, beating rapidly. Hoping-- Praying this was all some horrible nightmare.

"I'm so sorry," Clark whispered softly, staring at the white marbled floor.

I didn't understand. What was she sorry about? Was she sorry that the ultrasound machine wasn't working correctly? Wasn't that the reason the baby hadn't seemed to be doing much of anything? But of course I did understand. I knew perfectly well. After she left the room, I repeated her words: I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry little one for calling you a damn parasite. Parts of me were relieved, knowing I wasn't ready for you to be in this world. But parts of me-- begged for this to just be some sick joke. I'm sure my tears echoed in the halls.

What did I do to cause this: Was it that sip of coffee I had, stress, I wasn't healthy enough, I didn't want a child yet, I forgot to take my prenatal vitamins. I didn't take those omega-3 capsules. All those small things I did that the Internet warned me about but I never took seriously.

A/n- Yes, this is sort of a cliché, but it is a fan-fiction after all. But I assure you, that things won't be quit so dark and the fun loving side of it will come back. Just making a few necessary fillers.