Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

52- Carly

        My legs went numb staring out the glass door, that faced the backyard. Before my accident that was my safe spot as a child, the place where me and Cameron always used too sit once upon a time. My family didn't speak much about that day-- All I can faintly remember amongst the years of memories was my mother screaming at the doctor, refusing me to take any sort of antidepressants. Turns out when you have an overprotective mother you didn't need them... I was never allowed too do anything growing up. Well nothing that she thought would cause any form of fear anyways. But years later we found out it was a common thing amongst people. Just I had developed a lot quicker than most people, usually set off by some form of traumatic experience-- But even if I did have something trigger it I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was. Every time one of my so called 'Panic Attacks' happens it's like the whole experienced is wipe away from my memory. The slate washed clean as my parents have always said.

My mind was so lost in thought I barely heard the usual jingle of my cellphone blasting away in my back pocket. I pulled it out quickly, staring down at the caller I.D-- Le Boyfriend. Fuck. I had completely forgot to text him back. My finger glided over the the glass screen, sliding the accept button.

"Hello," I answered into the phone quickly.

"So your phone does work," he shot back quickly, chucking slightly.

"I'm sorry. I lost track of time and completely forgot, it's so overwhelming being home," I paused biting down on my lip nervously, " I miss you."

It wasn't a lie. Hearing his voice right now hurt it was so-- disembodied. For the past two months we hadn't left each other longer than a few hours. And well now that those few hours of being away had already passed, the craving for him was growing stronger. It felt like as if my body was starving for something, and it wasn't something I was going to be able to fix.

"Princess... How am I supposed to survive not having you to look forward too in the morning," his voice trembled, his sadness audible.

"Well there are such things like Skype you know? We can talk every day and we can try and plan times to see each other. We can make it work baby," I cooed, playing with the hem of my shirt anxiously.

"Wow, I'm luckiest guy in the world, I love you princess," He whispered softly into the phone.

His gentle voice calmed my nerves.

"I love you too Jack Gilinsky," I said smirking, the familiar feeling of butterflies back in my tummy.

"Johnson wants me to drive now. Talk to you later?" He paused awaiting my answer.

"Of course."

We said our farewells and both ended the phone call. Sliding my phone back into my back pocket quickly, Looking back up outside I noticed Hayes was gone. I was still curious of who he could have been on the phone with things didn't sound too promising. If only Cameron hadn't interrupted, I would know what was going on. My tongue ran across my bottom lip; My lips were dry. Come to think of it, my whole body was begging for something to drink. I reached into the fridge grabbing a bottle of figi water out of one of the drawers. Mom was addicted too this stuff-- So naturally as the wealthy stuck up people that we were our house was stocked with bottled water instead of just drinking it straight from the pipe. Weird right? I leaned up against the kitchen island. Untwisting the lid to the overpriced water, taking a huge swig of it.

"Ready?" Cam questioned beside me.

My heart stopped for a moment, terrified of his unannounced figure standing next to mine.

"God dammit Dallas. What have I told you about sneaking up on me," I hissed out still somewhat breathless.

"Oh princess," Cameron mocked me.

"Asshole," I growled lowly, "We going to talk or not?"

"I don't know. We were supposed to meet at our swing set, but it had appeared you forgot?" He asked cocking his head to the side. His eyes staring into mine.

"Shit," I murmured out softly.

"Brought back memories didn't it?" He paused staring hard at me.

"Jack doesn't know about this part of me. He doesn't know that underneath I'm just a freak-"

"Carly Annabelle Grier. Don't ever let me hear those words come out of your mouth again," Cameron protested.

"Why? Not too long ago you those are the very words you would have used to describe me," I growled out in defense.

He looked up at me hesitantly. His eyes glossed over. Was he really feeling guilty for all those years of torture?

"Well Carly-- Not long ago I was a complete asshole. I thought pushing you away was the only answer. Somewhere in my fucking head I thought it would be easier to hate you instead of love you. And look where that's got me... I finally have realized my mistake and I blew it. You love someone else because I was too goddamn blind to what I had right in front of me," A single tear rolled down his cheek, and his breath quickened, "I hope one day. No I fucking pray that one day you will be mine."

"Cam..." I breathed out shakily, "I spent years romanticizing those words coming from your lips. But right now it's more of a burden. I love Jack... and you are right you are to late. You passed up your opportunity and you don't get to ruin my chance at happiness. I loved you for many years Cameron Dallas-- I loved you with everything in my body. And I wasted most of my life fantasizing and living with all of this false hope inside my head."

"Carly--" He whimpered out, extending his hand.

"Maybe one day... But for know I need to focus on my relationship with Jack," I sighed, walking away from him. Tears weld in my eyes. Maybe one day...