Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

79- Carly

   After driving around for what felt like hours, my cars fuel light came on-- I could use a drink anyway. Why couldn't I just go back to before I went on the Magcon tour, I wish I could just slap the author of my story and scold her bringing me into this mess. Though I do need to learn to take responsibility for my own actions; I was the one who choose to cheat on my boyfriend. But maybe there was a chance for me and Jack now, maybe I could fix things between us. God, what am I fucking thinking. Jesus Carly. Not even four months ago I was confessing my undying love for Cameron. I seriously need to get my shit together.

I pulling into the deserted gas station, shutting my car off at pump three and instruction the attendant to fill the car. I walked into the silent store, walking up and down each aisle trying to decide on a snack. But nothing looked good. Walking back to the cooler, I pulled out a blue power-aid and proceeded to the till to pay.

"Is this everything?" A red haired boy ask, scanning the power-aid.

"Pump 3, a pack of viceroy red, and um," I paused, leaning away from the counter and grabbing a lighter and tossing up on the till, "That's everything."

"Your total is 84.96,"

"Debit."

I tapped my card against the machine, grabbing my items off the counter. I've never smoked before, but I have seen a few of the guys smoke when they are frustrated. They have even said it stops stress, and what could I possibly have to lose. Leaning up against the brick wall of the gas station, and unwrapping the plastic on the rectangular box. Pushing the inner box out and pulling away the tinfoil wrapped around the cigarettes. Putting the cigarette between my teeth, I fumbled around in my pocket searching for the black bic lighter that was just purchased.

"Smoking doesn't suit you," His voice croaked, his tall figure now linger over me.

"Stalking doesn't suit you," I tease, looking over at him.

I brought the flame to the tip of the cigarette lighting it , smoke filled my lungs. The taste was terrible. Inhaling softly and exhaling-- It wasn't that hard of a concept.

"What do you want Scott," I questioned, as his presence lingered.

"You've been MIA for weeks? One day you seem interested? and the next you are back to being self indulged," He spat out, leaning back into the brick wall as well.

"Scott. I don't need this right now," I paused taking another drag of the smoke, "Leave me alone."

"No," he reached forward pulling the lit cigarette from my fingers and tossing it on the ground, "What is wrong with you. You are pregnant do you know-"

"I'm not fucking pregnant," I spat out, angrily.

"What do you even me," He question, "I seen the ultrasound photo."

My head lowered, tears threatening to fall, "I lost the baby, Scott."

I could feel the strength in his arms as he wrapped them around me, to trap me in his never ending warmth. As he embraced me I sunk my head into his chest Indulging the touch of human contact. Allowing myself to be vulnerable in front of just one person.

"I'm so sorry," He whispered silently, tightening is grip around my body.

"I just don't know what to do Scott, I'm lost," I sobbed out, my fingered gripping his hoodie.

My tears seeped into the fabric of his hoodie, but he just held me. He held me for minutes allowing me to just cry against his chest. We stood there together in silence, grief filled the air around us. No one really understands what it's like to lose a child, until it's happens. The invisible pain and guilt that clouds your heart and your head. And Cameron deserved to know. I just don't know how to tell him-- It's not the right time.