Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

49- Jack

  I stared down at my phone hastily, urgently waiting for a text back from Carly. It's been hours since she has been online or even read my texts. Being so far away from her scared the absolute hell out of me. My English professor taught me once that, Sometimes, it is, that we may struggle to find 'just the right words' to share and show just how very much we care. In our minds, perhaps we are thinking just a wee bit too much—in an effort to speak our most perfect thoughts into being. And then, there are these moments—where we are stripped to our emotional core...that's when our heart will step up and speak for us. When that happens, the words flow so very easily—from spirit, to heart, to soul. The heart will speak when the mind, can not.

But whenever she was around everything went blank... Not only my mind-- but my heart too. When she was around I never knew what too say, but I can always hear and feel the loud thumping of my heart. And my hands begin too shake and every fiber in my body begs me to just hold on and be close to her. It's like my body is forced into a never ending anxiety attack and she is the only cure that can bring the breath back into my lungs. The sweet sweet thought of her clinging to my mind like saran wrap-- always there wrapping around tighter everyday. My mind feeling like it was going to implode. Without her things only got worse. My stomach felt as if it was doing back flips inside of my abdomen. And scary-- horrifying thoughts came into my heart of what she could be doing. Her love meant everything to me.. But Madison has destroyed that part of me that will ever feel secured again. You can only have your still beating heart ripped out of your chest so many times before the nerve wrecking fear settles in. The horrible fear that no matter how different that person is-- they will turn out like the others. Because you have believed so many times over and over again that people are different. But, in the end everyone shows their true colors eventually.

I hated that these thoughts were in my head and the guilt was killing me. It also did not help that Cameron was head over heels for her-- and he was the one getting to spend two weeks with her alone. And I was going to be the love-sick fool worrying consistently if he was going to pull a move on my girlfriend. I wish they could just go back to hating each other and maybe this sick feeling wouldn't be so intense. But, in all honesty I think I'm just looking for someone to blame for my own insecurities. I just fucking wish we didn't live this far apart.

"You okay?" Johnson asked, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

I shook myself out of my thoughts, looking over at my best-friend.

"What makes you ask?"

"Well it's been awhile since you've spoke. You normally never quit talking man," he sighed quietly, "She loves you Jack... She isn't going to be just another Madison and whore around while you are gone. I can feel it."

"It's not her I don't trust. It's the ever so charming Cameron," I huffed out, his name alone boiling my blood.

"Jack--" He froze, " You need to trust her. And even if he pulls a move on her. I know she'd tell you. I don't think she is the type to do something like that to you. Plus you are so incredibly irresistible remember."

" I hope you are right," I sighed, running my fingers through my hair.

I never thought you could ever miss someone this much-- I mean I never knew one person could love someone to the point that without them you felt like nothing.