Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

78- Carly

   It's been two weeks since my last visit to the doctors office. Two weeks since I've left the safety of my own home. Two weeks since my 20 week old baby was ripped away from my body.

Two weeks since I left the hospital feeling empty inside.

My back was pressed against my head board, legs stretched out under my comforter. My finger tips were freezing as my eyes starred at them disembodied. The phantom pains lingering in my lower abdomen. After the doctors put me on cytotec they waited for me to pass the baby, and I was sent home the next morning. After losing the baby-- that's when the pain started. The cramps. The grief. The emptiness.

My body hates me, I hate me.

I placed my hand on my tummy, the small bump that was once formed was starting to fade away. I knew I deserved this, I spewed so many horrible things. I wished you away so many nights. I wished you were never created so I could just be with Jack. I loved him so fucking much, I was blinded at what I actually needed. All I needed was you, I needed you little baby. You would been my Always & Forever, you would have loved me unconditionally forever. You never even got a chance, and it was my fault for not welcoming you into this world with my arms wide open. My pale cold fingers reached up to my nightstand picking up my ultrasound photo hugging it to my chest.

You were going to be the cutest little boy anyone ever laid their eyes on, you were supposed to be my little man; My little Nate. Cameron wouldn't have had a say in your name-- I chuckle to myself softly as tears pooled down my face. How was I even going to tell him. Only 5 weeks ago he was introduced to you, he asked about you a lot. He would have been a good daddy, and I am sure one day he will be.

"My beautiful Nate," I cooed out softly, sucking in air and letting out a loud sob.

"Cal? Supper is ready if you are interested in coming out. But I understand," Hayes voice paused for a moment and I could hear his feet shift uncomfortably outside my door, "I miss you."

He stood outside of my door for a few moments before letting out a sigh, and his feet shuffled away from my bedroom door. Pushing the covers from my body, it was hard to pull myself into a upright position. Grabbing a pair of gray shorts and a baggy black shirt. I tugged them on slowly wincing in pain each time movement was made that pulled on my abdomen. The doctors had prescribed two weeks of painkillers, meaning this morning was my last dosage and now I was forced to deal with the pain.

My stomach growls, as I waddle towards the dinning room. It's been days since the thought of food even made me hungry and not sick. Turning around the corner I am greeted by my parents and Hayes sitting at the table silently. Six pairs of eyes looked up at me abruptly, Hayes gestured towards the empty seat beside him. I sat down silently as mom scooped some food onto my plate.

"How are you feeling hunny?" Her voice questioned softly.

"Little sore," I admitted, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

Another small growl rattled through my stomach, as my mouth watered looking down at my plate of food. Steamed veggies, and seasoned chicken. Hopefully this doesn't upset my stomach like all my other failed attempts to keep food down. Placing a small bit of food in my mouth and chewing slowly; After a few small bites my stomach felt a lot more satisfied.

"So I have some good news," Mom spoke up, "Madeline Fraser phones earlier, she has a part time work available and she'd love nothing more then her star pupil to fill the spot."

"Really?" I picked at the peice of broccoli on my plate, "I'll think about it."

"Think about it? Is that really what you have to say when a good opportunity comes your way?" My dad hissed, dropping his fork against his plate, "Ungrateful children."

He scoffed, pushing his chair away from the table loudly storming off to his study.

"Whoa," Hayes breathed out, pushing his plate away.

"He's just under a lot of stress, don't pay any mind to him," Mom cooed frantically, trying to once again apologize for our fathers actions.

I bit at my lip, tearing a peice of dead skin.

"Why do you protect him? What stress could he possibly have other than," I froze, knowing my harsh words could cause more trouble then they were worth.

"I'm gonna go for a drive," I mumble, excusing myself from the table.

Grabbing my car keys from the china dish in-front of the doors, and slipping on a pair of slides. I don't know where I was going to go but it was going to be anywhere but here.