Forever & Always [ J.G | C.D ]

64- Carly

   I clenched my fists as I hesitantly took each step. I noticed my feet tremble. My legs twitched, fighting the impulse to whirl around and sprint down that damp, shadowed corridor; my throat closed in threat of screaming at the underpaid, overworked staff who called Grandma's case hopeless, and my jaw became tight. Fire in the form of water stung my sea blue eyes, threatening their attack. I crunched my teeth over my lip harder than I ever had. Salty blood filled my mouth. Slowly, my brain picked up my feet in an unbalanced gait, carelessly dropping the lead weights to the ground with each harrowing step. Reality tried to tap its way into my marching brain's rhythm. Grandma was dying. I was helpless. That was all.

"She regained consciousness for a few moments before going into shock and began to have a seizure. Doctor's rushed her in for an MRI scan and found a hemorrhage in her brain. And bad internal bleeding. Doctors say she isn't going to make it through the night. My deepest condolences. You may all go see her now she is in room 277."

The nurse's horrible accent rang through my ear like a high-pitched whistle. Annoying yet informative. The hours that we had been sitting here waiting was most utterly cruel. Then to tell us my grandmother was a lost cause and there was nothing they could do to help her was complete blasphemy. My pace slowed as we closed in on the lone room at the end of the long hideous corridor. The suspense was boiling inside of me. I hated that he wasn't here. My thoughts were scrambled. I hated all of this. Why can't she just be okay goddammit? We walked into the lifeless room, and my heart screamed out in agony... I thought she was going to be okay. I thought it was just a small fall down. Her head was shaved and at least 40 stitches were wrapped around her head. My mother dropped to her knees and began screaming in pain-- sobbing unconditionally. Oh god, I really needed him. I couldn't pull my gaze from staring at her spiritless body. My world began spinning... I felt paralyzed unable to move, breath, cry. I just stared unable to move, the sounds of my mothers cries echoing through my head. A wave of nausea pitted deep within in my stomach. Pain, Anger, and sadness-- The emotions that I felt were coursing through me. But the reaction to my body itself was limited.

"Carly?" Nash shouted, shaking my body.

"Yes," I mumbled out, my eyes still glued to her body.

"Jack is here. Your phone has been going off like crazy. Are you okay?" His voice filled with concern.

"I'm fine," my lips quivered, and a single tear slide down my cheek as I searched her body for breathing, "I'll go met him."

I walked out of the room slowly, looking down at my phone. How could this be happening.... I walked back down the corridor staring at the tiled flooring. Tears now rushing down my face. The image of her still flashed in my mind. It hurt to breathe. I opened up my messages and scrolled down to Cameron's name. What was I doing...

'I'm sorry..." I typed the words slowly, scanning re-reading them over and over before sending them.

"Carly?" His faint voice called out.

My eyes connected with his-- I stared at him dumbfounded at my surroundings. It was like one of those cheesy cliché movies where all I could see was him. Everything else went blurry he was my only focus. I was filled with so much pain and joy. He stepped closer... and closer... and soon his body was pressed against mine. He wrapped his arms around me pressing my head into his chest. His voice was inaudible. All I could hear was my thoughts. Her fingers brushed through my hair while he whispered things into my ears. Before I could stop myself my eyes began leaking salty tears, and my sobs were unconditional. My knees went weak and gravity pulled me down. I was hunched over myself screaming in agony. I didn't care that people were starring and nurses probably thought I needed to be admitted. I couldn't hold it in any longer. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream. Dammit! I pounded the cold floor. Hissed a breath through clenched teeth.

"Fuck me," I sobbed out angrily.

It was true, fuck me. Fuck me for being such a horrible person. Fuck me for being nothing but a fuck up. She was my grandmother... and God wants to take her away from me. I've seen dead people before. I've dealt with people in and out of hospitals. But never have I seen something that horrifying in my life. Never have I ever had to bear this pain.