Sorry, I'm bad at this. (NSFW AND MATURE CONTENT WARNING) (Lapidot Human AU)

Chapter 38

-One week later-

I sat hunched over Lapis's desk anxiously, though unmoving. My eyelids felt heavy, and I had a massive headache. Though my eyelids were heavy and my exhaustion was eating away at me, I couldn't sleep. All week I was having nightmares...all about them. Him. Every. Single. Night. I knew the only way to prevent these nightmares from happening, was to simply not sleep. At first, it was just mindlessly pulling all-nighters, feeling sleepy as expected. 

But eventually it turned into insomnia, and I was now unable to sleep. It was impossible. It was almost painful. I took my glasses off, and placed them down on the desk carefully. I rubbed both of my eyes, and quietly grunted as my head continued to pound. I blinked my solemn eyes a few times before glancing over at Lapis in my bed. She was sound asleep, lightly snoring with her face buried into the pillow, and her arms wrapped snugly around it. 

I wanted more than anything to lay with her and sleep just as peacefully as she was, but I just couldn't. I stood up from the desk chair, making sure not to make too much noise. I took quiet footsteps to the bathroom, and once I reached it, I flicked the light switch on. I grumbled as the bright light blinded my eyes for a moment. I nearly slipped, but slammed my hands onto the counter, attempting to maintain my balance once again. 

My eyes slowly adjusted. I peered into the large mirror, and a sleep-deprived sick being stared tiredly back at me. I had bags under my eyes, and dark circles surrounded my eyes as well. I scratched my eyebrow, and sighed, now staring down at the sink. You can't sleep. You can't sleep. You can't let Lapis see you like this. Just stay awake. "Peridot?" I jumped as I heard Lapis's voice from the doorway. My head snapped in my girlfriend's direction, and she stared at me with an extremely concerned expression. "O-oh! S-sorry did I wake you?" I asked in a raspy cracky voice. 

"Are you okay?" she asked, taking a step forward. I took a tiny step back, folding my hands together nervously. "Of course I am...j-just...couldn't sleep. That's all." I assured, clearing my throat. "Peri...I'm not stupid. You've done this for the past four nights...when was the last time you even slept?" she asked, crossing her arms and leaning against the door frame. I looked back in the mirror, and the back at Lapis. "I-I don't know..." I replied, looking down. 

Lapis then stood straight up, and placed her hand gently on my wrist. "Come on. You need sleep. You have classes in the morning." Lapis said, softly pulling me out of the bathroom. I timidly followed, not knowing how to respond. "I can't." I squeaked. Lapis cocked her head to look over at me, and arched an eyebrow. "What do you mean you can't?" she asked. "I...can't. I can't sleep. B-bad things happen when I sleep..." I whimpered. 

Lapis stared at me. Her ocean blue eyes were soft, and I could see extreme concern in them. "Peridot...are you still having nightmares?" she finally asked, fully turning her body back to me. I looked away, and bit the inside of my cheek. I only nodded in reply, and felt a lump form in my throat. "What are these nightmares about? I...really need to know what's bothering you. I can't help you if you won't tell me." Lapis explained. 

I exhaled through my nose, and my hands slightly shook. I couldn't hold back anymore. "Lapis how much do you love me?" I asked, feeling tears prick my eyes. I looked back up at her. Lapis looked extremely taken aback, and her mouth opened a little. "P-Peridot what kind of a question is that?" she asked, sounding shocked.

Lapis's POV:

Why was she asking this?! What the fuck is she dreaming about? "J-just answer it!" Peridot cried, and I flinched slightly. I stared at her in awe, feeling extremely confused. "A lot, Peridot. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone..." I said, placing my hands on her arms softly. More than Jasper. More than my parents. I remembered how abusive my parents were to me as a kid, but I shook the thought away. "You're the only person in this world so far who has made me truly happy, Peridot. And I don't ever want you to forget that." I stated, staring her straight in the eyes.

Peridot's green eyes were glossy, and it looked like she was about to burst in tears. "S-so...y-you don't still have f-feelings for Jasper? At all?" she then asked, and both of my eyebrows shot up. "Feelings?! For Jasper?! God, no, Peridot. I will never love Jasper again...no matter what he does. He can't change what he did to me in the past, and I can't change how I feel about you." I explained, feeling my face up a little. 

I hated opening up like this, but it was in fact true. "Why would you ever think like that?" I asked. "I-I'm sorry, Lazuli. Ever since that day in the hospital, I-I thought I saw an old flame spark again. I felt like...like I wasn't good enough. That my brother would always be the one you truly belonged with." Peridot explained in a shaky voice. I stared at her for a long moment, then pulled her in for a hug. 

I wrapped my arms around her waist, and rested my chin on her head. She buried her face into my neck, and wrapped her arms tightly around my shoulders. I heard her sniffle, and it broke my heart a little. "Don't cry, Peridot..." I whispered, stroking her back. Her breathing slowed, and her breath no longer hitched. We stayed hugging for a whole 3 minutes, and I finally heard Peri sigh. "I'm tired." I heard her mutter, and I snickered. 

"Let's take you to bed." I muttered barely above a whisper. "Okay..." she squeaked, and I pulled away from the hug. I took her hand, and led her to her bed. She wobbily laid down on the mattress, and she kept her grip on my hand firm. I looked down at her, blushing a little. She pulled on my hand hard enough to cause me to stumble forward onto the bed. I landed on her, and I was about to furiously apologize, but all she did was giggle. 

I groaned, then giggled a little bit, rolling over to lay beside her. Peridot then shifted facing me, and wrapped her arms around my waist. She buried her face into my neck, and breathed slowly. "Goodnight, Lapis." she whispered, and I hummed in response. After a while, I drifted off to sleep as well.

. . . .

Peridot's POV:

I woke up, but didn't yet open my eyes. The familiar scent of chlorine mixed with lotion entered my nose, and my eyes fluttered open. I realized it was Lapis when I noticed my face was actually buried snugly in the crook of her neck. Her body radiated warmth as her arms remained wrapped around me. I couldn't stop myself from yawning, not wanting to move from my spot. I smiled a bit, noticing that I didn't remember having any nightmares last night. 

I knew that I did have to check the time, though. I squirmed a bit, sadly moving away from Lapis and out of her grip. Lapis grunted a little, shifted her arms, and wrapped them around the pillow she was laying on. I leaned forward and kissed her head softly. I reached over to the sidetable, and grabbed my phone. The screen was a bit blurry since I didn't have my glasses, but I squinted to read the time – 7:42 AM. My first class started at 9, but I knew Lapis's starts at 8. 

I better wake her up. I looked over at her, and suddenly didn't want to wake her up. She looked so tired – almost as tired as me. She was snoring, and I snickered. "Lapis..." I whispered, placing my hand gently on her shoulder. "Lapis..." I whispered again, now slightly shaking her. "Mmmm...five more minutes..." she grumbled, mashing her face into the pillow. "It's already 15 'til 8, Lapis. You're gonna be late." I said. Lapis groaned loudly into the pillow, and slowly lifted her head. "M'kay..." she replied lazily. She yawned, and slowly sat up, stretching her arms out.

. . . .

"Dude it's fucking Halloween next week how could you not care?" Amethyst asked, sitting beside me in chemistry. "I've just never really been in the 'sPoOkY' mood, I guess." I mumbled in reply. "Ha, you probably just don't like it 'cause you're scared easily." Ame remarked. I scoffed, looking over at her. "I do not!" I squealed. "Mhmmm. Well, anyways dork, I'm havin' a Halloween party on Halloween, so if you're gonna be a buzzkill sack of shit you might as well come. Bring Lapis too, if ya want." Amethyst suggested. "Eh. I don't think Lapis is into that kinda stuff, either." I grumbled, shrugging.