Sorry, I'm bad at this. (NSFW AND MATURE CONTENT WARNING) (Lapidot Human AU)

Chapter 23

Eyes were glued to the roof of the van as we pulled into campus, and I slumped down in my seat in humiliation. The vehicle came to stop and we all got out of it carefully. "Okay guys, we'll take our things inside later. Our main priority is to get the van fixed." Pearl said. "And give Trisha a proper funeral." Amethyst added. "Garnet, you have a tool box in your dorm from your mechanic internship down at the car wash. Squari and Amethyst could probably help lift the deer off of the roof, and I can call in a real mechanic in case things go awry. And by mechanic I don't mean Greg. Okay?" Pearl explained, and we all nodded.

. . . .

Lapis sat on the now empty roof of the van as Squari and Amethyst were dragging the dead animal across the parking lot. I looked up at her, staring at how beautiful she looked from down here. "Peridot. I need you to do a favor for me. Lapis, you can help her too." Pearl said, walking up to me with her hands clasped together. "Can you guys please run to the hardware store and pick up some automotive paint for us? Change of plans, and we're actually gonna need to paint over the damages." she explained, clearly a little embarrassed. "Yeah we could run real quick. You okay with that Lapis?" I looked back up at the bluenette.

She looked back down at me, dangling her feet over the edge of the van. "Yeah." she muttered in a casual tone of voice. Please be careful up there, aaaaaa. She climbed down, thankfully unharmed, and she stood before Pearl and I with her hands in her pockets. "We'll take my car." I said, placing my hand over my keys in my back pocket. "Okay. Remember, get the closest color to this, okay?" Pearl said, pointing to the cyan-type paint on the van, which was scratched up.

I nodded, and off we went. The car ride to the hardware store was mostly silent, and I could tell something was bothering Lapis. So as we walked into the building, I kept looking over at her with a concerned expression on my face. She didn't seem to take too much notice, and she wrapped her arms around herself. "So uhm, do you know where the automotive paint would be?" Lapis asked suddenly. "Oh! Uhm yeah. I actually used to work here a while back." I said, reading the aisle signs carefully. "Really?" Lapis asked, looking over at me.

"Yeah. It was actually pretty fun. 'Course I had to quit 'cause I found a better hobby. Building my robonoids." I explained. "Here it is." I said, looking in a section of an aisle a few rows down. "Now... do you remember what the color was closest to?" Lapis asked. Shit. "Dammit, I should've taken a picture of it." I groaned, resting my hands on my knees. I looked up and noticed Lapis was gone, and I looked around. What? I stood up straight, and began to walk around, calling for Lapis. "Lapis? Lapis! Lazuli! Hm..." I crossed my arms and thought for a moment. I then spotted her standing in another aisle mindlessly looking at something, looking a little insecure.

I slowly approached her and put a hand on her shoulder gently. She flinched, and I immediately pulled my hand away. "S-sorry!" I said nervously, grabbing my wrist. Lapis then relaxed again, and sighed, closing her eyes. "Lapis... something's bothering you. What's wrong?" I asked her, tilting my head a little. She looked at me with shifty eyes, then crossed her arms firmly. "I-I dunno what you're talking about. I'm fine." she said, putting on a fake smile. I gave her serious look, letting her know I wasn't buying any of her bs. She stared at me for a moment, and caught on to what I was hinting at.

Lapis huffed and looked away. "Okay... I'm not fine. I've just been...on edge." she said, and I took a step closer to her. "Elaborate" I said. "I just um..." she seemed to have a slight blush on her face as she looked down at the floor. "...been thinking about earlier today...when..." she seemed to be struggling with her words. "...when we kissed?" I asked, hoping I had the right idea in mind. "Y-yeah...that." she muttered. Did she not like it? Did she regret it? "And I've also been thinking about...Jasper..." she said, and almost looked..ashamed of it. "Like, in a bad way? Or a good way?" Does she want him back? Did she decide she wants him more than me?! OH GOD PLEASE NO.

"...a bad way I guess? Look. I can't be with you, Peridot." Lapis finally said bluntly, and it felt like my heart shattered into a hundred pieces. "Wh...what?" I felt a lump form in my throat. "If I date you, I'm putting you and me in danger, a-and I can't afford to do that. The last thing I'd want is you getting hurt." Lapis said, wrapping her arms around herself once again. "You think Jasper is gonna hurt me or what?" I asked, feeling a little frustrated. "Peridot, you know I really like you. Trust me when I say I want more than anything to date you... hold hands with you... kiss you and..." Lapis trailed off and blushed.

"Lapis. If you really wanted this to work, then you wouldn't let a little milestone like my brother Jasper get in the way of things. He's my brother and he can't control my life. He can't control yours either." I explained. Lapis looked at me intently and put a hand over her arm protectively. "He's powerful, Peridot. Jasper is your brother and you still haven't realized that. He can literally come and take me away. He could stalk us. He could hurt you! He could hurt...me again." she said in a nervous tone of voice. I then realized why it was so hard for Lapis to feel safe. Right. She has PTSD. I have to be more careful about this...

I took her hands into mine, and she looked down at them with a blush spreading across her cheeks. "Lapis. I understand you're afraid. But I will do everything, and I mean everything in my power to make sure he doesn't ever hurt you again, okay?" I told her very slowly in a serious voice. I felt her slightly shake, and she looked back up at my face. "Wh-what about you?" she asked. "I'll be fine. I won't get hurt. We've loved and cared about each other for our whole lives. He would never seriously hurt me." I reassured her, looking into her eyes... those beautiful... blue eyes. She looked down, still looking uneasy, and I knew there was not too much I could do about this. But I did what I could to make her feel better.

I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her in for a hug. She hugged back tightly, and her breathing started to slow. After a little bit, we pulled away, and she looked at me. I wanted to kiss her again, but I didn't know how she felt about it. So I ever so slowly leaned in, trying to get a reaction. She didn't seem to flinch or back up, so I enclosed the space between us. Lapis kissed back after a couple seconds and I melted into it, feeling like I was floating.

. . . .

"OH MY GOD IT'S SO OFF!!!" Pearl said in a screechy voice, immediately regretting putting the paint on the van. "How did you manage to get a color that inaccurate?" Amethyst asked. "In my defense, I didn't have a visual representation of the color in any form, therefore forcing me to choose the color out of memory." I explained, crossing my arms. "Damn, you have a shitty memory then." Squari said. "The van's color was more of a light blue. You got a dark green." Garnet said, examining the god awful paint color. "Lapis, you couldn't remember either?" Pearl asked, now sitting on the ground on her knees, looking defeated. Lapis just shrugged, closing her eyes.

Pearl groaned loudly, running her fingers through her hair. "Okay. We just need a mechanic and to pay for a professional paint job." Pearl said. "Or we could just tell Greg the truth about Trisha." Garnet suggested. "But then he'll never trust us with any of things anymore!" Pearl protested. "AND QUIT DIGGING THAT HOLE, AMETHYST!!!  We can't just bury a random wild animal in the middle of campus!!!" Amethyst was digging a hole in the dirt on the side of the parking lot where there was no development yet.

A loud pop noise scared the shit out of all of us, and we all noticed it to be coming from the front left tire of the van. It was spraying out air with a loud hiss sound and we all just watched. Pearl just stared at the now ugly-ass dysfunctional van with squinty eyes.