Sorry, I'm bad at this. (NSFW AND MATURE CONTENT WARNING) (Lapidot Human AU)

Chapter 40

"Oh god this is so slutty." I grumbled, staring down at the costume Lapis had ordered. When she said she had an idea for our costumes last week, I didn't have this in mind. She refused to tell me what her idea was, and just went ahead and ordered the costume. "You didn't even bother to ask for my input?" I looked over at Lapis, arching an eyebrow. The bluenette only shrugged, and gave me an innocent smile. "You could always be the joker, but the height difference may taint the realism." she replied, and I rolled my eyes. 

I had to admit, this was pretty clever, though there were probably millions of other couples who've already done it. I huffed, and couldn't help but smile a little. She was planning on being the Joker...and ordered a Harley Quinn costume to go along with it. "Besides, I'm almost positive your Vampirella costume was ten times sluttier than this one. It's not even that bad!" Lapis protested, looking down at the costume. I felt my face heat up at the mention of that damned Vampirella costume, and I groaned. The Harley Quinn costume in fact wasn't as bad as my 9th grade abomination. 

"Look, I'm not forcing you to wear it, Peridot." Lapis chuckled, crossing her arms. "Lapis, you know I love comic book villains and heroes. Of course I'll wear it. Just why couldn't it be...Batman and Joker or something? I'm pretty sure they're gay for each other in some universe." I grumbled. Lapis snorted, and shook her head. "The party starts at 8...we better at least start getting ready." she said, and walking toward the bathroom. "Can we do you first?" I asked, just stalling time before I actually put on the damn thing. "'K. I need help with my makeup. I suck at it." Lapis replied from the bathroom. 

"Alright..." I muttered, walking to the bathroom as well. "So what do you plan on wearing? Doesn't seem like you even ordered a Joker costume for yourself." I explained. "He wears fairly simple clothing, Peri. I did order something. I got a purple blazer and purple suit pants." she replied, turning on her faucet. "You know he wears more than just that, Lapis. What about his bow tie? Or his flower? Orange shirt? What about props?" I asked all at once, watching Lapis splash water onto her face. "Calm your nerdy tits, Peridot. It's all done. I have an orange button shirt, I bought one of those gag flowers from the friggin dollar store, and you have a red bow tie, don't you?" Lapis asked, tilting her head. 

"Yeah...b-but it's special..." I mumbled, looking away. "Peridot, I'm not gonna lose it. Quit your worrying." "His green hair." I deadpanned. Lapis huffed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not going all out for this costume, Peri." she replied lazily. I scoffed, feeling slightly offended. "I thought you were a 'Halloween enthusiast'" I mocked. "Oh, I am. But I'm not making you go all out. The costume's all there." she justified, gesturing to my costume. I huffed, looking back down at my costume. Lapis walked out of the bathroom for a moment, then entered it again with the clothing in her arms.

"Where's the makeup?" I asked. "Right here." Lapis replied, dropping the pack onto the bathroom counter. She set all of her clothes down with the makeup, and sighed. She changed into the orange shirt, purple blazer, and purple suit pants. "Huehuehue, lookit me all snazzy." Lapis said in a nasally 1950's voice as she spun and posed in front of the mirror. I snickered, and bit my tongue, trying to hide my extreme amusement. "Alright, jazzypants, sit down. Let's do your makeup." I said, opening the package to the makeup.

Lapis closed the toilet lid, and sat down on top of it. "Oof, you better hope I can work with this." I muttered, reading the instructions.

. . . .

Lapis nodded approvingly, staring into the mirror intently. "Not bad. Better than I could ever do." she said, examining it closer. Her face was painted white and dark circles surrounded her eyes. Red stretched from her lips all the way up almost to her eyes in a large grin. I retrieved my red bow tie from my drawer, and brought it to Lapis. "Don't lose it please." I said, before putting it on Lapis carefully. Lapis nodded in response, and half-smiled at me. I shyly smiled back, and looked down at her fancy coat thingy. "Where's the flower?" I asked.